Our expert says:
you seem to have managed to bring up your son with a normal attitude towards his body and nudity – without feelings of shame and guilt – which are unnecessary and lead to a multitude of sexual problems later in life.
A time does however come when its time to change track – which is the point of your question.
1.from a social perspective at the age of 13 it is socially inappropriate to still be bathing together.
2.from a developmental perspective – it is unusual that he is still “innocent” at this age, the testosterone is there – physically – and his mind needs to catch up..and it will. He needs the space to re-interpret his feelings towards a female body in a sexual context – which will be very difficult if they are all mixed up with his feelings towards his mother. Hence I do not think that you should leave it up to him to initiate the separation.
My advice would be to start by skipping some bathing sessions on some pretext or other ( busy – will bath later etc) an wean him off completely.
Warning: this is likely to induce feelings of rejection in him and you will need, at some point to have the conversation where you tell him that you still love him but its socially inappropriate to continue your bathing routine. Again let this happen as part of a normal conversation and don't make an issue of it, if you do – you might undo all the good you have done in his upbringing
I f you need further assistance contact our helpline – www.sexualhealth.co.za
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