advertisement
Question
Posted by: Mother | 2009/12/04

Bathing

Hi,

I’ m a woman of 42 and my son is 13. Although his body has started developing we are still bathing together. My husband is comfortable with the situation. Even though my son has started to get pubic hair around his penis, we are comfortable with nakedness. To us he is still a boy, although his body shows different, he is still the innocent him self and is still not shy of what is happening. Should I break this bathing routine or must I wait for him till he feels that it is time to be on his own.

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Congratulations MOM
you seem to have managed to bring up your son with a normal attitude towards his body and nudity – without feelings of shame and guilt – which are unnecessary and lead to a multitude of sexual problems later in life.
A time does however come when its time to change track – which is the point of your question.
1.from a social perspective at the age of 13 it is socially inappropriate to still be bathing together.
2.from a developmental perspective – it is unusual that he is still “innocent” at this age, the testosterone is there – physically – and his mind needs to catch up..and it will. He needs the space to re-interpret his feelings towards a female body in a sexual context – which will be very difficult if they are all mixed up with his feelings towards his mother. Hence I do not think that you should leave it up to him to initiate the separation.
My advice would be to start by skipping some bathing sessions on some pretext or other ( busy – will bath later etc) an wean him off completely.
Warning: this is likely to induce feelings of rejection in him and you will need, at some point to have the conversation where you tell him that you still love him but its socially inappropriate to continue your bathing routine. Again let this happen as part of a normal conversation and don't make an issue of it, if you do – you might undo all the good you have done in his upbringing
I f you need further assistance contact our helpline – www.sexualhealth.co.za
good luck

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

12
Our users say:
Posted by: karl | 2009/12/09

may be he is gay.

Reply to karl
Posted by: Big boy | 2009/12/08

Mother. This is what makes kids out there to become sick adults when they grow up.Stop this at once and seek counciling for both of you.

Reply to Big boy
Posted by: bru | 2009/12/07

I think you' re a cool mom. I' m 40 and wish my mom had less hangups with sex and nudity- I may have turned out better. Sex and nudity is natural and normal- thanks to moms like you our next generation might realise that- and not turn out to be violent woman haters- as many of our generation did!

Reply to bru
Posted by: Jakes | 2009/12/05

Well now, when I was 13 I was already very aware of sex. We had our first sex education sessions at school in std. 6. I was 13 then. At that age I would already get turned on by females + was already masturbating regularly. I was 13 when I ejaculated 4 the 1st. time. What would U do if he gets an erection while bathing with U? How will either of u handle it? U owe it to him to stop the practice immediately b4 he gets so confused with his sexuality + his emotions. Remember , U r still a naked woman bathing with him even if U r his mother. Don' t confuse him. Rather bath with your husband. I remember when I was 6 my parents used 2 bath together + needless to say I was not allowed anywhere near the bathroom on those occasions.

Reply to Jakes
Posted by: Sexologist | 2009/12/05

Congratulations MOM
you seem to have managed to bring up your son with a normal attitude towards his body and nudity – without feelings of shame and guilt – which are unnecessary and lead to a multitude of sexual problems later in life.
A time does however come when its time to change track – which is the point of your question.
1.from a social perspective at the age of 13 it is socially inappropriate to still be bathing together.
2.from a developmental perspective – it is unusual that he is still “innocent” at this age, the testosterone is there – physically – and his mind needs to catch up..and it will. He needs the space to re-interpret his feelings towards a female body in a sexual context – which will be very difficult if they are all mixed up with his feelings towards his mother. Hence I do not think that you should leave it up to him to initiate the separation.
My advice would be to start by skipping some bathing sessions on some pretext or other ( busy – will bath later etc) an wean him off completely.
Warning: this is likely to induce feelings of rejection in him and you will need, at some point to have the conversation where you tell him that you still love him but its socially inappropriate to continue your bathing routine. Again let this happen as part of a normal conversation and don't make an issue of it, if you do – you might undo all the good you have done in his upbringing
I f you need further assistance contact our helpline – www.sexualhealth.co.za
good luck

Reply to Sexologist
Posted by: Jarrod | 2009/12/04

I agree that it is iannapropriate and I would actualy like to see a professionals comment

Reply to Jarrod
Posted by: Bee | 2009/12/04

Gosh, my son is 7 and so concious of his body. Once he was on the toilet and freaked when my daughter walked in accidentally. He is even shy in front of me and says " mom i can dress myself etc"  I then only help with his collar, tie and shoelaces. He used to bath with his sister up to the age of 3 and she was 5 - however, at age 7 and 11, they wont be caught dead in the same bathroom!
Imagine what his schoolmates will think if he lets slip that I bath with mommy! C' mon even if it is innocent, surely its impractical and inappropriate???

Reply to Bee
Posted by: S | 2009/12/04

I disagree with ALL the above posts.

It is an innocent bath for peet sake!
P.S. Mother - you are not the only person doing this... I have a friend who still baths with her son .... I can' t see a problem with this...

...and Yes, he will eventually stop joining you in the bath as he becomes aware of he' s developement....

Reply to S
Posted by: XXX | 2009/12/04

No matter how innocent it might seem to you,it is not right and you should stop immediately.

Reply to XXX
Posted by: What!!!!!! | 2009/12/04

This is a joke right? This is sick. How can a grown woman bathe with her teenage son? This sounds so incestuous and makes one wonder what else happens in your house.

Get some help lady. this reminds me of a colleague I once worked with. Her family was from Polokwane. She said that they sometimes took a bath together with cousins, uncles, aunts. It' s natural.

Reply to What!!!!!!
Posted by: Woman | 2009/12/04

I' m sorry to tell you this, but you are irrevocably harming your son with your behaviour. It is closer to molestation than love.You have to stop this immediately, and take your son for counselling. You might even need some yourself if you don' t realise that it is wrong. At 13, he is quite capable having sex and becoming a father himself.

Yes, it is serious, it is very serious and you need to THINK about your actions today.

Reply to Woman
Posted by: Kelly | 2009/12/04

lmimc! Gosh this is sick!
So you are bathing with your teenage sone, how great!
Maybe you should wait until he turns 18 and can make decisions for himself, then you ask him if he would like it to stop or continue.
This must be Freaky Friday!
Shame this boy must be traumatised already

Reply to Kelly

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement