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Question
Posted by: Nia | 2011-10-04

Banned from his birthday party

I have 2 children, aged 6 months and 2 years. My sister has 2 kids, also aged 6 months and 2 years. My granny is 80 years old. My brother''s wife''s sister has a baby of two months. Last week my brother’ s wife invited my family to a picnic on Sunday for his birthday. We had to pay our own entrance and buy our own meat for the party. I accepted the invite and asked her if she could make a plan for an alternative venue in case of rainy weather. Later during the week I made the same request to my brother. I made an effort to get him a gift and to travel to Pretoria from Johannesburg with my children on my own. Over the weekend the weather turned foul and 4 other members of the family offered that my brother can use their houses instead of the picnic spot. They also have their own house. They refused the offer and instead moved the party to an open lapa at the same picnic venue. So I called his wife and told her that unfortunately I cannot go to the party as I cannot sit outside in the cold and wind with my baby and because my husband is away I will not be able to keep the 2 year inside the lapa and out of the rain. Because my husband is away for work for two weeks I really do not want to struggle alone with two sick kids. My sister did the same. A few minutes later they sent my WHOLE family a SMS saying that the party is cancelled because we don’ t want to come. After my mom called my brother he said that we don’ t make him feel special and we are ruining his birthday and we are not making any effort for him so he is now going to continue with the party at his mom in law’ s house and with his wife’ s family. What do you think about this? Who is right and who is wrong?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like they were rigid, unreasonable, and thoughtless of the comfort of others. And their response was immature - people didn't want to come because a foolish venue was chosen. Why must other people make him feel special ?
I don't know what official age he was at this birthday, but he urgently needs to grow up and try behaving like an adult.
Let it blow over ( like the bad weather )

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Our users say:
Posted by: Niki | 2011-10-06

You guys give her a break. When you invite family or anyone for that matter to a function that have kids, you do need to take into consideration the weather, if it an outdoor event.

How in the world can anyone be so insensitive to expect the 6 mth olds to be outdoors in such terrible weather. And we are not in Europe to have acclimatized to cold weather.

It is not as if her brother couldn''t have moved the party to their home, or any of the relatives'' that offered. They could have chosen to do this. Seems more like he was putting his family to a test. Let''s see how much inconvenience my family will endure just for me!!! Let''s see if my sisters will let their kids get ill just because they care about me.

I have 3 kids, two of them below 2 yrs &  I would never have stayed &  risked the chances of my kids getting ill.

You know I would have been very appreciative of a sister who would pack her kids up &  come to Pta just to spend time with me. And they could have chose to have the party at their home &  had a ''bring &  share'' party, if they had no money to hold a party in the first place.

Reply to Niki
Posted by: Romany | 2011-10-04

I agree with " My view"  Just say sorry I cannot make it and stay at home with the kiddies where it is nice and cozy.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: My view | 2011-10-04

I think the people who say you should have gone possible don''t have small kids.

Reply to My view
Posted by: Jenna | 2011-10-04

I am not too sure why you mentioned your granny''s age and didn''t mention her throughout the rest of the post? In anycase, the weather was really foul on Sunday, but you should''ve gone- as Obvious says if you dress warmly then it''s not a problem (it wasn''t that cold- just miserable). Winter is worse. I understand that you have a small baby, but again if you dress them warm enough they wouldn''t have gotten sick- we used to run in the rain all the time as young children. But in anycase, it wasn''t wrong of you to ask for alternative venue in case of bad weather either. It''s something they should''ve thought about in anycase, had they bothered to watch the weather forecast. I would explain to your brother how you feel, especially seeing that your sister also asked about alternative venue. Has she also been banned from the party?

Reply to Jenna
Posted by: Regular | 2011-10-04

You were not banned but declined the invitation as communicated to the family!
Stop being a drama queen and follw the advice of entertaining the family at your expense this week end.
You need to eat humble pie and make this up to everyone as u were in the wrong

Reply to Regular
Posted by: Obvious | 2011-10-04

I would have packed warm waterproof clothes and gone. Babies do not suffer cold if well wrapped up and in europe toddlers play happily in the rain. lf they didnt theyd never go out - it rains nearly every day.
Is sounds like you are a family who thrives on petty dramas. You only have one family and one life. You should have gone. lt is now Tuesday and instead of happy memories you are fighting over a Sunday.
Apologise to all and invite the whole family over this Sunday for a braai. Do not allow them 2 bring anything. You are better than this and can turn this around. Granny is 80 years old........we only have so much time to enjoy life!

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Romany | 2011-10-04

If you are invited to a party, any party, regardless of how many kids are involved and family and whatever, you either accept or decline the invitation.
You do not try to take over the arrangements and you do not interfere.
Put yourself in the shoes of the host. Do you want everyone''s interference if you arrange a party?
Then, if it rains on the day or it is too hot or whatever the circumstances are that you are unhappy with, and you do not see your way open to go because of your family circumstances or any other circumstances.... give the host a polite telephone call and explain that you are not able to attend, apoligise for not attending, but you wish them a wonderfull time.....

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Mommies Boy | 2011-10-04

I would have done the same if I was in your shoes. Your brother needs to grow up and his wife needs to get a life and learn how to plan events. It appears they are more embarassed by the fact that they never thought of the weather and when your prediction came true it showed them up. A bit of jealousy maybe from their side. Leave it, it will blow over. Your parents on the other hand should also not take sides.

Reply to Mommies Boy
Posted by: K | 2011-10-04

Korobela is talking

Reply to K
Posted by: Maria | 2011-10-04

Oh please, you brother must grow up. Just ignore.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-10-04

Sounds like they were rigid, unreasonable, and thoughtless of the comfort of others. And their response was immature - people didn't want to come because a foolish venue was chosen. Why must other people make him feel special ?
I don't know what official age he was at this birthday, but he urgently needs to grow up and try behaving like an adult.
Let it blow over ( like the bad weather )

Reply to cybershrink

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