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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2011-05-11

Bang

Hi Doc, my ma is op 14 April oorlede aan borskanker en ek was by haar tot op die laaste.Dit was my eerste ervaring om by iemand te wees wat sterf en dit asof dit my " haunt" .Ek sien ''n sielkundige om te aanvaar dat sy nie meer daar is nie, nog moeilik. Ek is ook verskriklik bang dat sy na my toe gaan kom, ek hoor goed en slaap baie sleg.Dr het gese ek moet aan iets anders dink as ek bang word, maarvind dit moeilik, my hart klop in my keel en is te bang om asem te haal.Nou gaan my man vlg week weg v/d huis wees en dan is ek en my 2 kinders alleen, ek kry nou al angspyne net as ek daaraan dink.Het u dalk ander alternatiewe wat ek kan probeer, asb. ek wil he my ma moet na kom in ''n droom om te sy is ok, maar ek dink nie sy sal kom as ek bang is nie.Help asb.Dankie.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This is a very recent and indeed upsetting experience - anyone would be badly disturbed by it. But with time this will fade or rather merge with happier memories of all that was great about your mother. Continue to work with your psychologist, and don't give up because the benefits are not immediate or obvious very early on.
Grief i hard work, and the work needs to be done. Only if the relationship was superficial and trivial is there no major work to be done.
were there perhaps problems in your relationship with your mother, which are bothering you ? I ask because people don't usually expect to be haunted in an unpleasant way by somneone dear they have lost. One might rather want to be haunted by someone with whom one had a good relationship. Wouldn't you expect your mother's presence, if it occurred, to be kindly and guarding you and the children ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

5
Our users say:
Posted by: Anon | 2011-05-13

Dankie Maria, sal so maak.

Reply to Anon
Posted by: Maria | 2011-05-13

Hoekom gaan sit jy nie en skryf vir jou ma ''n brief nie. Vertel vir haar alles, jou vrese, hoe haar dood jou laat voel het, hoeveel jy haar mis. Sterkte.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Bang | 2011-05-12

Ek het niemand om by my te kom slaap nie, is nie van die provinsie nie. Nee, ek het ''n goeie verhouding met my ma gehad. Ek het die laaste dag die ambulans gebel om haar vanaf die ouetehuis na die hospitaal te neem, omdat ek bekommerd was oor haar. Sy het daarop aangedring dat ek by haar moet wees. dit was in die aand en ek kan nie in die aand goed sien om te bestuur nie en sy het vir die nagpersoneel dit gese en geweier om te gaan totdat ek haar gerusgestel het deur haar bydie hospitaal te ontmoet. sy wou niks sonder my doen nie, sy was ook al familielid na aan my, ek voel ''n leemte wat niemand kan vul nie. ek voel dat ek van my kop af raak net deur te dink dat ek en die kinders alleen volgende week by die huis gaan wees. Die vriende wat ek ken is nie in ''n posisie om by my te kom oornag nie. Die urbanol is al klaar ''n kalmeerpil, het slaappille ook gedrink, maar het dit gelos omdat ek nog steeds deur dit in die nag wakker geword het. Ek voel soos iemand wat desperaa is vir iets.Baie dankie.

Reply to Bang
Posted by: Maria | 2011-05-12

Ek het ook verlede jaar gesien hoe ''n familielid sterf, dis ''n ervaring wat mens tot in jou siel ruk. Is daar nie iemand wat jy kan vra om by julle te kom oorslaap terwyl jou man weg is nie? En vra of die dr nie vir jou ''n tydelike kalmeermiddel kan voorskryf nie.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-05-12

This is a very recent and indeed upsetting experience - anyone would be badly disturbed by it. But with time this will fade or rather merge with happier memories of all that was great about your mother. Continue to work with your psychologist, and don't give up because the benefits are not immediate or obvious very early on.
Grief i hard work, and the work needs to be done. Only if the relationship was superficial and trivial is there no major work to be done.
were there perhaps problems in your relationship with your mother, which are bothering you ? I ask because people don't usually expect to be haunted in an unpleasant way by somneone dear they have lost. One might rather want to be haunted by someone with whom one had a good relationship. Wouldn't you expect your mother's presence, if it occurred, to be kindly and guarding you and the children ?

Reply to cybershrink

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