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Question
Posted by: Mum | 2012/07/04

Bad thoughts of harming my kids

Hi CS,

Do you have kids? Or have you ever been pushed so far that you just see red and this monster comes out of you? My kids push me and then something inside of me just cracks and then I get these bad thoughts of harming my children. I never carry through with the thought but need to know how to prevent these bizarre thoughts from popping up.

Last night my child would not get out of the bath. I had a thousand things to do so did not have time to waste. I was busy drying his sister''s hair and I had a bad thought of putting the hair dryer into his bath water..... When the children were about 2 weeks old, I also had bad thoughts to drown them and throw them against the wall. I thought I was quite composed but then these thoughts pop up. Could I have had Post Natal Depression which was never treated? I only had one bad thought when they were smaller and now this thought of yesterday. I am very disturbed by it.

Thank you.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Do I have kids ? For lunch or just as a snack ?
Isn't it interesting how talented and devoted some kids are at pushing you until the red mist rises ? Think in your own situation, about the puzzle of what on earth can be rewarding for them in that ? Often its about them asserting their own sense o autonomy and power, and unfortunately they seem instinctively so often to select just the worst time to do it.
This could be depression, but its also a very understandable reaction to frustration. And its probably frustration on both sides. Its not abnormal for parents to have occasional aswful thoughts - its abnormal not to worry about these at all, or to act on them, of course.
You generally don't "crack" after these occasional incidents, and if you find they become more frequent, not so brief, and you find yourself thinking about them outside of the acute incident, seeing a shrink for an assessment could be a useful idea. Similarly, if the child is being extremely oppositional on a routine and extreme basis, having them assessed by a child shrink could be useful

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16
Our users say:
Posted by: Shells | 2012/07/11

Im a first time mom with a 10 month old and I sometimes think about hurting him when I am angry and frustrated by his behaviour, especially when it is 4 in the morning and he has been awake since 12 midnight! But then again, sometimes I could handle it just fine and other times I wanted to crack for the same behaviour so the extent of the misbehaviour is in direct response to your state of mind at the time.

When I remember this I take a breath, step back and then try to carry on, if I cannot handle it I ask someone to step in and help while I center myself, and being on antidepressants help too :0)


It is perfectly normal to have the feelings you do, its not normal to act on them.

Reply to Shells
Posted by: Lucifer | 2012/07/06

@ LP

You are an idoot with no intelligence. Go play on another forum.
You dumb Doos

Reply to Lucifer
Posted by: LP | 2012/07/06

Mum, just ignore Lucifer''s comment. Obviously just some idiot who does not have children and never will have as he/she is a ridicilous lunatic and have no friends...

Reply to LP
Posted by: Lucifer | 2012/07/06

@ Barbara

Who asked for your -|- in advice. Go -|- yourself.

Reply to Lucifer
Posted by: barbara | 2012/07/06

@ Lucifer - the woman needs advice not a f****g sermon - a$$hole! At least if she goes to hell she won''t be alone, she will find you there!

Reply to barbara
Posted by: Lucifer | 2012/07/05

@ Mum

You know what? Hurt them and see what happens. You will end up in Hell for that.

Reply to Lucifer
Posted by: Angel | 2012/07/04

Mum, believe me my kids 3 &  7 also drive me up the wall and I also sometimes think of just leaving them or giving them away, but I get back up and carry on.

I think there is nothing wrong with you. I think there will be something wrong if you acted on that thoughts.

Reply to Angel
Posted by: Jules | 2012/07/04

There is/was a program on TV called Super Nanny (something to that effect), this British nanny (Jo Frost) had good ways of dealing with really naughty children. It was on one of the DSTV channels. Her methods were sometimes strange, but appeared to be very effective. She does not believe in smacking a child or screaming at a child. If it is no longer on TV, maybe google it/her and see if there are any suggestions on how to deal with different scenarios. I hope you will find a solution to your problem and not allow it to get to the point where you do something you will regret for the rest of your life.

Reply to Jules
Posted by: Momof3 | 2012/07/04

I feel your pain. I am pushed to that limit daily with my youngest. I have to stop myself from hitting him upside his head. They do test us to our limits!

Have you tried therapy? My son has calmed down a lot and appears to be happier and better behaved. Boredom also brings out bad behavior.

Reply to Momof3
Posted by: Mum | 2012/07/04

Hi Maria,

Thanks for your advice. Your last sentence rings true as this morning I read on this website of a mother gassing her and her 12 year old child. I wonder what made her crack and go ahead with that act. That''s what scares me, how do I know when things have gone too far and that I will eventually crack and actually live out my thoughts...

Reply to Mum
Posted by: Maria | 2012/07/04

My daughter is 10. I would become irrationally and unreasonably angry at behaviour that didn''t warrant it, and want to physically assault her. Sadly her misbehaviour was often in direct response to my state of mind. Things are much better now.

Everybody loses their cool with their kids from time to time, that''s just normal. It doesn''t sound as if you have depression, let''s see what CS thinks. I think that two fleeting incidents of inappropriate thoughts in 5 years is probably not significant if that''s all there is. All of us think inappropriate things now and again. The important thing is not to act on those thoughts.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Mum | 2012/07/04

Hi Maria,

I have moments when I do get down, maybe for 2 hours once a week and then I pick myself up and move on. I ''sulk'' about something, but not for long. I can''t really say I have those other symptoms.

What thoughts did you have? And how old are your kids?

Reply to Mum
Posted by: Maria | 2012/07/04

Do you have any other symptoms? Lack of enjoyment from activities you used to like / low self esteem / no energy / overreacting to situations / unexplained weight loss or gain / tendency to avoid other people where possible / difficulty with things like concentration and planning / sleep disturbances?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Mum | 2012/07/04

Hi Maria,

My kids are 3 and 5 and have flower pots as ears. Can this be depression if it only happened a few times?

Reply to Mum
Posted by: Maria | 2012/07/04

Mum I''ve been there, and it was because my depression was not under control - wrong meds. Please get help, and be kind to yourself. How old are your kids?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/07/04

Do I have kids ? For lunch or just as a snack ?
Isn't it interesting how talented and devoted some kids are at pushing you until the red mist rises ? Think in your own situation, about the puzzle of what on earth can be rewarding for them in that ? Often its about them asserting their own sense o autonomy and power, and unfortunately they seem instinctively so often to select just the worst time to do it.
This could be depression, but its also a very understandable reaction to frustration. And its probably frustration on both sides. Its not abnormal for parents to have occasional aswful thoughts - its abnormal not to worry about these at all, or to act on them, of course.
You generally don't "crack" after these occasional incidents, and if you find they become more frequent, not so brief, and you find yourself thinking about them outside of the acute incident, seeing a shrink for an assessment could be a useful idea. Similarly, if the child is being extremely oppositional on a routine and extreme basis, having them assessed by a child shrink could be useful

Reply to cybershrink

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