Posted by: BEW | 2009-09-09

Back tracking

I have had quite a good run, where i was confident and able to function at a pretty good pace. This after battling with what i would call depression and anxeity. From the beginning of July however it has slowly become harder and harder for me to maintain a positive outlook. There have been a few dissapointments as well, but dont think they account for my feeling.

I am battling with sleep. Where it takes me a while to fall asleep and then i wake up several times during the night. Not very pleasent dreams either. I have started drinking fairly heavily again after a good period of self control. I also started intentionally hurting myself again after a pretty good period of no urge. I know drinking myself into oblivion and then driving is stupid i know cutting myself is destructive. I am just really really tired and angry and fed up.

I am not thinking consciously about killing myself, but think i might be on a sub conscious level.Maybe fatalistic is a better word.

I am angry with myself with everyone around me, i am withdrawing from everyone at work as well as family, i dont want to talk,cause its frustrating and tiring.

My head feels exhausted. I am forgetting things from whether i took my keys out of the ignition to forgetting to put on deodarant. I am supposed to open a window instead i close the curtains.

I fear i might lose the plot completely.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like the onset of depression and/or anxiety, and of course the alcohol won't make that any better and is likely to make the symptoms and worries worse. Why not go, promptly, to see a good local shrink for assessment and a sdiscussion of treatment plans, rather than allow this state to get worse, when it could be getting better. That way, you'll find the plot again !

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