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Question
Posted by: Nonnie | 2012/05/14

Babymama drama

I have been in this relationship for 6 months now and it drives me crazy to see how a woman can manipulate a man just for selfish reasons. She knows that he has moved on, but every weeks she puts different demands on him. He pays for everything as she has never worked and was financially dependent on him. She threatens to move to another province so that he won''t see his child. Then she begs him to come back to her. Next she demands more money and says that her family treats her and the child badly. She seems to know my every move and tells him lies about me meeting up with other people and that I have this sordid past. She tells him every other week that she met someone and is ready to move on just to tell him the very next moment that she can''t move on! She doesn''t want the child to come to my place and expressly indicated that she will not send the child if she ever hears that the child has been at my place. This situation is very stressful for him and causes frustration for me. I have been thinking of leaving him to sort out his trouble with this woman, but am scared that it will drive him back to her? I don''t think they make a good pair of parents because of their volatile history and am afraid that it will negatively affect the child in the long run. He has a good, sincere heart, but allows her to manipulate him and this because he wants to be a good father to his child.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

When most people manipulate others, it's usually for selfish reasons, isnt it ? But you're describing a terribly common sort of situation. If he chose to be with this woman and have a child by her, he owes maintenance for the child's expenses until the child is independent. This is best decided by a Maintenance Court, to make a fair decision.
But simply because she allowed him to impregnate her doesn't mean she herself should be supported for life without needing to work, like everyone else does. How her family treats her is her business, not his. She is also probably not entitled to refuse him access to the child - this is not tied to him paying maintenance ( the court decision needs to be about what's best for the child ). Again, the maintenance court should be able to help here, too. The child's father is entitled to spend time with his child ( or putting it even more clearly, the child is entitled to spend time with her father. The mother is NOT entitled to lay down conditions about where and with who else, the child may visit ( unless maybe the father was a gangster mixing with dangerous people !).
I doubt very much whether it would help him to sort out these problems if you were to leave him - but encourage him to use the courts and control and limit what he does and does not owe this over-needy and manipulaive woman.
Maybe he also needs to see a counsellor, to recognize that this woman sopunds like a selfish and bad mother, and that he can and should be an excellent father to the child, and that this does NOT mean giving in to the demands of the mother.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: ANNE | 2012/05/15

Does anyone else HATE this Babymamma and Babydaddy.

Can''t it just be Mum and Dad , or Mother and Father /

Reply to ANNE
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/05/14

When most people manipulate others, it's usually for selfish reasons, isnt it ? But you're describing a terribly common sort of situation. If he chose to be with this woman and have a child by her, he owes maintenance for the child's expenses until the child is independent. This is best decided by a Maintenance Court, to make a fair decision.
But simply because she allowed him to impregnate her doesn't mean she herself should be supported for life without needing to work, like everyone else does. How her family treats her is her business, not his. She is also probably not entitled to refuse him access to the child - this is not tied to him paying maintenance ( the court decision needs to be about what's best for the child ). Again, the maintenance court should be able to help here, too. The child's father is entitled to spend time with his child ( or putting it even more clearly, the child is entitled to spend time with her father. The mother is NOT entitled to lay down conditions about where and with who else, the child may visit ( unless maybe the father was a gangster mixing with dangerous people !).
I doubt very much whether it would help him to sort out these problems if you were to leave him - but encourage him to use the courts and control and limit what he does and does not owe this over-needy and manipulaive woman.
Maybe he also needs to see a counsellor, to recognize that this woman sopunds like a selfish and bad mother, and that he can and should be an excellent father to the child, and that this does NOT mean giving in to the demands of the mother.

Reply to cybershrink

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