Our expert says:
When most people manipulate others, it's usually for selfish reasons, isnt it ? But you're describing a terribly common sort of situation. If he chose to be with this woman and have a child by her, he owes maintenance for the child's expenses until the child is independent. This is best decided by a Maintenance Court, to make a fair decision.
But simply because she allowed him to impregnate her doesn't mean she herself should be supported for life without needing to work, like everyone else does. How her family treats her is her business, not his. She is also probably not entitled to refuse him access to the child - this is not tied to him paying maintenance ( the court decision needs to be about what's best for the child ). Again, the maintenance court should be able to help here, too. The child's father is entitled to spend time with his child ( or putting it even more clearly, the child is entitled to spend time with her father. The mother is NOT entitled to lay down conditions about where and with who else, the child may visit ( unless maybe the father was a gangster mixing with dangerous people !).
I doubt very much whether it would help him to sort out these problems if you were to leave him - but encourage him to use the courts and control and limit what he does and does not owe this over-needy and manipulaive woman.
Maybe he also needs to see a counsellor, to recognize that this woman sopunds like a selfish and bad mother, and that he can and should be an excellent father to the child, and that this does NOT mean giving in to the demands of the mother.
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