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Question
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/06/22

Baby' s daddy treathening Pls help

I broke up with a father of my child over a year ago but he' s still treathening to kill me because i broke his heart. We were never married. We were together for 7 years 2 of those i was really out of love withi him, i stayed for the sake of our child. i decided to end the relationship April 2008, he didnt take it very well even though we havent even touched each other in over a year. he would call me, sms me treathening to kill me, phoned my older sister and a good friend of mine treathening to kill them because he thinks they are giving me bad advice. i applied for a protection order which i didnt go through with because i thought its not right for my kid, that he wont be able to see his father again. I had to move where i was staying before. I am now in a new place since July 2008 and he started again, now this time he didnt want to see his child on his birthday, his reason... because i broke his heart. his son was turning 4 and he refused to see him, unfortunately my son over heard me speaking to him on the phone and now he wont speak to his dad. His father wont apologise to his son he' s saying that i am at fault, i must admit that i am wrong(i ended the relationship). He sends me sms' s which i feel they are verbally and emotionally abusive. He told me that he CAN END THIS BECAUSE HE' S GOT JUSTICE IN HIS HANDS. this really scares me. i cant afford to move, I really dont know what to do anymore. i tried being nice to him so he doesnt hurt me but he confessed to me that everytime he sees me he gets father? I am so confused, i feel trapped, and i worry that i will suffer from depression, i try so hard to hide this pain at work but i feel i am not so strong anymore.

My other problem is he refuses to support his child even when we were still together, its even worse now. he tells me he wont do it cause i dont love him.

Please help me. i dont know where to go.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageDivorce support expert

Dear Anonymous,

for a start, I wouldn't underestimate any threats! It doesn't take much for a threat to become real. You owe it to yourself and your son to be assured that you are safe. Safety is a primary need and if you can't meet that need you won't be able to move on to regain a sense of happiness and belonging.
Also his threats and his attitude towards your son do not show that he is a responsible parent and I wouldn't let him alone with his son. He needs to talk to someone and understand that whatever emotions he has towards you should not affect his relationship towards his child. It is of utmost importance that parents going through the turmoil of a separation understand their role as parents shouldn't change after the breakup. However you say that he didn't support his child while you were together, which is a sign of his irresponsibility.
First seek safety. Legally and personally. Ask friends, family, a close colleague, anyone you feel close to. Report the threats to the authority. Focus on your son's needs and do not bad mouth his dad. Situations like yours cannot be dealt by yourselves. The father of your child needs to see that you are protecting yourself and he must be willing to handle his emotions for the sake of his child. If you cannot communicate with him then it will have to happen through professional person.

I wish you all the best.

Nadia | The South African Divorce Support Association
info@sadsa.net

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/06/29

for the fact that he is not supporting the child dont you think that he is not good enough to be a father, remember your happiness comes first and you will be able to give your son the love ,support that he needs without that stupid selfish moron that thinks he will go around threatening to kill you because he thinks he owns you and he thinks he will live forever he,s not GOD .Get full restraining order and get him locked up for good he,s useless ,get help

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/06/29

for the fact that he is not supporting the child dont you think that he is not good enough to be a father, remember your happiness comes first and you will be able to give your son the love ,support that he needs without that stupid selfish moron that thinks he will go around threatening to kill you because he thinks he owns you and he thinks he will live forever he,s not GOD .Get full restraining order and get him locked up for good he,s useless ,get help

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Anonymous | 2009/06/25

Thank you very much, this is helpful.

Reply to Anonymous

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