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Question
Posted by: Mom | 2012/01/18

Baby daddy support


Hi everyone.
My baby daddy and i broke up wheni was still pregnent.My daughter is now 1year 4 months.I need to take her to day care.Now my aunt is taking care of her.Babydaddy contributes R1000.00 monthly.He has descent job stay at a town house and drives thee nice car.I know he is getting paid more than 4 times wht i am getting.
Baby girl stays an hour away from him but last time he came to see her was in september.make that not more tha 6 times since baby was born.
Im strugling to manage payin my rent buying food at home and for baby.medical aid and savings for me nad my daughter.He makes transfer every month to babys account.
I want to increase becaues he thinks its more than enpugh but it is not.i know calling him we going to end up fighting.I was advised to go the legal route because evry year they increase i dont have to cal him and remind him as baby grows money must be increased.please advise me.thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Discuss this with someone at the Maintenance Court at your local Magistrate's Court. The Maintenance Court can hold a hearing, at which it will decide what the child needs, and what each parent can afford to contribute. If he is earning, say, 4 times as much as you do, he would be expected to pay a 4 times larger contribution to the child's expenses as you do.
But check with our Famil Law forum / expert.
Its sad if he doesn't bother to keep good contact with his child, but the law doesn't require him to do that., and its not strictly relevant to a decision on him paying maintenance. If he fails to pay regularly, o the amount decided by such a court, he could get into significant trouble.
Prepare to document all the costs associated with the child, her needs and care, and to document your own earnings. The court will ask him to document his.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: olk | 2012/01/19

SF H2H, You have mouth diarhea

Reply to olk
Posted by: Soos from H2H | 2012/01/19

Evryone thats saying Mom must not focus on this mans contribution, I beg to differ with you.

Raising a child is hard and she does need help. The cost living is going up and the farther should know tht. And the most painful thing is that all this responsibility has to be the womans as if she did all by herself. This is why most, however not all, of our men dont know that they have to take responsibility.

In all fairness. this man has to play equal parts, Mom is already giving so much, not only financially and she deserves to have a life too. Because the next thing you know is when the child is all grown up and there is no more financial dependence and all that, Mr R1000 will be wanting to invade his life as if he was the one doing the hard work whereas he was the one with options that allowed him to sustain his classy life.

Mom, I say you are not wrong. And its quite clear that he thinks he is doing you some sort of favour by supporting his growing child needs. The fact that you already know that he is going fight when you tell him the truth proves that. I will not discoourage you to go the legal route, Men like him learn a lesson there. All you need to do is to be able to prove that he has income. The court WILL NOT put his larvish needs before the childs. They will &  they do push to an extend of attaching your luxurious belongings to get maintanance. Yes its a hectic process and maybe should be used as your last resort if talking to him totally fails, but it works. Men who underestimate the law find themselves behind bars, no matter how long this may take.

You are not wrong!!!

Reply to Soos from H2H
Posted by: Obvious2 | 2012/01/19

Totally agree with obvious! Yes we all make mistakes, and I have a daughter who may very stupidly make the same mistake some day, but at the end of the day, if she does, she will be responsible for her choices.

Sit down with this man. Draw him a budget of all baby''s expenses for a month, and ask him to pay half of it. If baby is on your medical aid, then he should contribute half of her fee.

Yes he is entitled to love any way he wants, but he is equally responsible for this child, despite him not carrying this child.

He needs to see what you need the money for. Alternatively ask him to pay for things directly if he doesn''t want to give you the money. Tell him to pay for some of her expenses directly, like the creche.

I have twins that are the same age. I spend about R2000 for them both a month. My expenses would have been much less if they weren''t eating purity. I opted for purity because they are home with their nannies and I did not want the nannies to cook for them.

Reply to Obvious2
Posted by: Obvious | 2012/01/18

Romany is right - if only one girl learns that having unprotected sex with a partner who is not fully commited to the relationship and avoids single motherhood this posting will have achieved one less child growing up without a father.

Reply to Obvious
Posted by: Romany | 2012/01/18

Mom, please do not be offended. I had no intention of critisising you and what you have done.
I merely expressed my wish that other ladies will learn from your situation and realise that they should wait before having babies, enjoy their lives and hard earned money.
It is a fact that a man will promise absolutely anything to get what he wants from you. We women are so " romantic"  we will stupidly believe everything in turn.
I hope you go the legal route and you get what is due to you.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: Yeah Neh | 2012/01/18

I agree with Huh his standard of leaving has got nothing to do with you. And the other thing is you can not force a person to come see his child leave that aside and try to speak to him regarding child''s support do it for your little one not for anybody else. And you dont even know if he is going to increase the money or not I mean it is only over a year now talk to him and then you can both leave happily ever after. One other thing i will say even if i hate saying it is you are lucky you are getting R1000 i am only getting R400 after going the legal route and my daughter is 13

Reply to Yeah Neh
Posted by: Pale | 2012/01/18

Huh I don''t understand what you are saying. So what you say is if he earns R500k per month and contributes R1 000 per month that is ok coz it will cover the necessities?

Because I really think if he can afford his child to go to the best creche, eat healthier and have the best caregivers then why not pay.

I don''t mean he should support Mom as well but if Mom struggles to do the best (for now) for the baby should he not then step in. I am sure he does not even know how much more expensive a baby is.

The legal route is the best I think. That way all options will be weighed.

Reply to Pale
Posted by: Mom | 2012/01/18

Romany tell me something i dont already know.I cant take the baby back now can i?Now can we focus on the issue now and not what i should have done.Thanks.can someone advise how do i go about the court route if it is worth it.
Im not bitter at all huh,he is the bitter one.So i have spoken to him before all this i know what im talking about.
And i know my problems arent his but i spend way more that 2grand on baby so if i can make sacrifices with the salary i am getting why cant he.

Reply to Mom
Posted by: huh | 2012/01/18

Thats where most of you women get it wrong, his standard of living has got no relation to how much he should contribute for the baby!! Theee nice car and townhouse are his and he should not be milked through maintanance because of that,its not a sin to drive thee nice car!!
The factor you should be concentrating on is how much is adequate for the baby and share the responsibility proportionately. In your post , I don''t see anywhere where you say you have spoken to him about the issue but you just assume that you will end up fighting, maybe you simply because you manner of approach is that of bitterness, bickerring and arrogance.
Your other responsibilities ie home money etc are not his problem, in other words I mean that the fact that you are struggling with your other responsibilities is not his problem!!!

CONCENTRATE ON HOW MUCH IS FAIR FOR HIM TO CONTIBUTE FOR THE BABY, NOT BASED ON HIS STANDARD OF LIVING.

Reply to huh
Posted by: Romany | 2012/01/18

You should get advise on the family law expert''s site.
However, I hope many women will read about your problem on this forum and learn from it.
It is not a good idea to have a child as a single mother. Not for the mother and not for the child.
It seems it is getting so common now that you hear the word " baby-daddy" many times a day.
As a single woman you should have the freedom to spend your money on yourself, the freedom to have a good young life... not sit with this kind of worries?

Reply to Romany
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/01/18

Discuss this with someone at the Maintenance Court at your local Magistrate's Court. The Maintenance Court can hold a hearing, at which it will decide what the child needs, and what each parent can afford to contribute. If he is earning, say, 4 times as much as you do, he would be expected to pay a 4 times larger contribution to the child's expenses as you do.
But check with our Famil Law forum / expert.
Its sad if he doesn't bother to keep good contact with his child, but the law doesn't require him to do that., and its not strictly relevant to a decision on him paying maintenance. If he fails to pay regularly, o the amount decided by such a court, he could get into significant trouble.
Prepare to document all the costs associated with the child, her needs and care, and to document your own earnings. The court will ask him to document his.

Reply to cybershrink

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