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Question
Posted by: Shell | 2012/01/18

Baby daddy, marriage...dillemma

Hi all,

Hope u can help me I have a 2 yr old son, me and the daddy don''t see eye to eye..well I just gave up on the relationship because he is not resposible. Since the birth of my son I had to act as a single parent. He has never not once contributed to my son''s up bringing. We are not staying together.

He doesn''t keep a job...now lately I was told by his sister that he left is job(he worked there for 3month) because it was too much noisy. I tried helping him get a job but as soon as I tell him to fax his CV somewhere he will ask me how much is the salary sometimes I think he enjoy being unemployed. He was studying at Boston Part time he didn''t finish his course, I gave him money TWICE for his licence and both times he told me he failed.

Off soon I met someone else he is there for me and my son and now he wants to get married the thing is I''m afraid of getting married to this person, first I think baby daddy might cause problems for me I ended the relatioship and according to him nothing like that exits, another point this person has 3 kids from a previous marriage(they stay with their mom) and I have seen from family how hard it is to be married with a child from a previous relationship.

I don''t know what to do

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

He sounds lazy and irresponsible and not fit to be a spouse or father, but he is responsible for helping to pay maintenance for the child he fathered. Go to the Maintenance Court and have it decide how much he should pay and put pressure on him to pay. He sounds far too fussy about jobs, and clearly expects other people to pay his way through life. Presumably he sleeps under a roof, and still eats, so someone must be paying for that. Either he is earning money and not admitting it, or someone is fooolish enough to sponsor him so well he can't be bothered to work.
It is absolutely none of his business whether you choose to marry someon else - he has no claim over you. If he tries to cause problems, get a restraining order against him from a court, to forbid him to do so. And if he disobeys that, he goes to jail.
What do other readers suggest ?

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Liza | 2012/01/19

How can baby daddy cause trouble? It''s not as if he''s threatening to stop paying maintenance - cause he isn''t paying anything anyway. Having step kids is never easy - it requires a lot of compromise from both sides. You also have to agree on the household rules and all kids should be treated the same i.e. if one gets punished for doing something, then the others should also be punished if they do the same thing.

Since you have a child from a previous relationship it''s double standards to be unhappy because a partner also has kids from a previous relationship. If both partners can agree on the rules and priorities AND implement them fairly, then there is no reason why the relationship can''t work.

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/01/19

He sounds lazy and irresponsible and not fit to be a spouse or father, but he is responsible for helping to pay maintenance for the child he fathered. Go to the Maintenance Court and have it decide how much he should pay and put pressure on him to pay. He sounds far too fussy about jobs, and clearly expects other people to pay his way through life. Presumably he sleeps under a roof, and still eats, so someone must be paying for that. Either he is earning money and not admitting it, or someone is fooolish enough to sponsor him so well he can't be bothered to work.
It is absolutely none of his business whether you choose to marry someon else - he has no claim over you. If he tries to cause problems, get a restraining order against him from a court, to forbid him to do so. And if he disobeys that, he goes to jail.
What do other readers suggest ?

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Obvious | 2012/01/18

What to do.
Forget both men, you are not ready or mature enough to marry anyone.
See a lawyer re maintenance, even if not working as soon as he is you can get an attacment to his salary once a court order is in place.
Go into councelling asap for low self eesteem , you can do better in life if u value yourself.

Reply to Obvious

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