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Question
Posted by: MW | 2010/09/14

Awkward situation at work

Good afternoon,

I sit with a situation…  trust me to get myself into this.
I used to date a colleague for about 3 months. I got involved with another guy since and we are planning to get married. I haven’ t said a word to him as I kinda feel bad in a way.

I guess that the colleague overheard me talking about the wedding as he stormed off and closed his office door –  not very happy to say the least.

I know that I should have said something to him, but as I mentioned.. I feel bad and kinda guilty.
We are very good friends still.

Should I? I mean…  we are not involved anymore. Oh, my gosh! it is very awkward.

Please could you give me advise as how to handle this situation?
Don’ t ask me how long I thought that I would get away with this, but anyway… .
(it is just that it will be very hard for me as I don’ t want to hurt anyone).

Thank you.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It could have been useful to talk to him earlier AND to say that you feel bad and a bit guilty and hesitated to speak to him. This is the time to speak privately and calmly, as Ruby suggests. Its a pity that sometimes our reluctance to hurt someone may become what actually hurts them.
As Liza says, if the break-up with him was official, definite, mutually agred, then he may be disappointed but has no grounds for being angry now.

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3
Our users say:
Posted by: Ruby | 2010/09/14

I''d say it depends on if you officially finished with the colleague or not (I get the impression that you did &  that it was ancient history?).
It may have been better to tell him about it, just to be polite, but if you didn''t, I don''t think it''s the end of the world. Don''t feel bad about it - you are entitled to go on with your life.

Perhaps just go &  speak to him in private now &  tell him you fear you may inadvertently been insensitive and that you apologise and say you hope you can continue with your friendship.
If he doesn''t want to accept that, well, too bad so sad - there''s nothing you can do about how he feels.
And congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

Reply to Ruby
Posted by: Liza | 2010/09/14

Did you and this friendly colleague ever officially break up? If you did, he has no reason to be difficult now. Sometime he will have to face the fact that you''re with someone else now. If he can''t face it - that should be his problem and not yours. Sometimes the truth hurts - but it must be told anyway!

I have dated colleagues in the past - and when the relationship ends, the awkwardness at work was just too much. So I now have a policy of never dating a colleague. (I might still drool over one or two of them in private though  )

Reply to Liza
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/14

It could have been useful to talk to him earlier AND to say that you feel bad and a bit guilty and hesitated to speak to him. This is the time to speak privately and calmly, as Ruby suggests. Its a pity that sometimes our reluctance to hurt someone may become what actually hurts them.
As Liza says, if the break-up with him was official, definite, mutually agred, then he may be disappointed but has no grounds for being angry now.

Reply to cybershrink

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