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Question
Posted by: Another Anon | 2008/05/30

Awareness vs coming out

I'm also gay and I think I was aware that I was different from about age 5, something just felt "different", I don't know how else to say it, and when I was in high school I knew was attracted to guys but was terrified to admit it to myself. It felt as if I had this huge overwhelming secret I had to carry about myself and who I was, so much so that in order to cope I think I denied it to myself out of shame and guilt. So I only really came out to myself, as in said to myself "OK I am gay, this is how it is and now I must deal with it somehow" when I was aged 19. That was 10 years ago and maybe times and society have changed. So I'd like to know from the good people here - looking back, at what age do you think you were "aware" of something versus at what age did you actually come out to yourself? I'm not talking about coming out to others - this is to yourself. Thanks guys for a great and interesting forum. Go well.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageGay, lesbian and bisexual expert

Hi Another Anon and thanks for an interesting post.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Me26 | 2008/08/01

My heart is pounding as i read this... I' ve also known from a young age that i am gay. I tried to hide my feelings and tried to forget and tried to live a straight life. Being the only Child the pressures of getting a Girlfriend was huge. I then thought about the Bi thing and living like that. The beginning of this year after going out with a girl for 3 months i could not handle the pressure and deny my feelings. I broke up with her and finally at the age of 26 realized that I' m who i am and this is ME.I' m gay and i' m proud of it!!. A few of my close friends know but i haven' t told my Parents as yet, and this is the next step in ' coming out' .

Reply to Me26
Posted by: Ferny | 2008/05/30

Go away Rusta.........

What are you doing on this forum if you think gays are all "pervs"? Or is there a reason why you are frequenting this forum/ I have to wonder.......

Aren't you worried that by reading what all these "pervs" say you might become "infected" and turn gay!!!

Take a hike & keep your nasty opinions to yourself!!

We don't need you & suggest you read the name of the forum - it clearly says GAY, LESBIAN & BISEXUAL EXPERT. So if you have nothing positive or useful to say then BUZZ OFF!

Lets hope that this is the last we hear from you although I won't hold my breath, your type never know when to shut up & butt out!!!

Reply to Ferny
Posted by: Rusta | 2008/05/30

<<<<<<< Post deleted - Rusta you are a VERY disturbed individual who needs help>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Reply to Rusta
Posted by: Deeve | 2008/05/30

Recon I can say this on behalf of many of us...probably knew very well when I was young, say 12, that both Guys, and girls looked nice...and like Jay, if you were shy, you never acted out on anything anyway. I never figured at that stage that I was only looking at Guys - see I was indoctrinated to fit in, so I kept on looking for a girl that would show interest in me. Got more and more confused when it was Guys doing the camping.....! The fact that the Guy thing NEVER went away, was something that I just kept to myself.(and denied!) I couldn't possibly discuss this with anyone, and so sadly it got swept under the carpet. I even had minor sexual experiences with Guys before I got married, but figured that I was just fulfilling a fantasy, and kept on sweeping....frantically! IF ONLY I KNEW...the sweeping would continue, and continue.....!
I told a Therapist that 'I'm Gay!' at the tender age of 37!
My life has never been the same again...and I wouldn't want it any other way!

Reply to Deeve
Posted by: Jay | 2008/05/30

Interesting topic :)

I knew I liked guys from about Grade 7 (Standard 5). I thought I liked girls too but more often than not I thought of guys. Not that it mattered much because I was very shy when it came to relationship stuff for the first few years of high school.

So all this time I thought I was Bi and I was ok with that - it didn't bother me much. After the 1st year of varsity I eventually admitted to myself that I was, in fact, gay and came out about 9 months later. Been an interesting journey so far and haven't fallen completely in love with someone yet but I'm really enjoying life at the moment so will see where it takes me :)

I'm 22 in a week's time and I'm out to all my friends and family.

Reply to Jay
Posted by: LONEWOLF | 2008/05/30

Well for as long as I can remember, I fancied men. I have a vivid memory of a particularly attractive man that I saw when I was very young. I also tried being straight, dating girls and all and HATED it. Then came a few years of virtually no sex – it is a blank. I really came to terms with my sexuality when I was about 24 years old. Why I had to go through all the trouble and pretences, I really do not understand. Each has to decide on his own when he is ready or not, I suppose.

Reply to LONEWOLF
Posted by: Gareth | 2008/05/30

You know, it might as well have been me that wrote your post. I felt exactly the same since I can remember. I just took it further. I started trying to get rid of it, live it dead by getting a girlfriend, that didn't work, got engaged to her, also didn't work, got married, again didn't work. So only at 26 or so did I finally admit to myself that I cannot change what I am. And by that time after years of turmoil, the damage was done. And that will be my biggest regret and shame till I die, that I had to hurt another innocent person in my journey to get to myself. But time heals a lot. She is fine today and happy, and we are still friends - although not best friends like we used to be. But at least she is better off even with all the hurt, to find someone that can be what she deserves. And myself, I have never been happier. There is immence freedom in it. And now, I am getting married soon again, after being out for about 9 years, to the most wonderful guy in the world.

Reply to Gareth

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