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Question
Posted by: Casey | 2009/10/20

avoidant personality?

I am a 26 year old female. I work full time and study part time. I have not been in a romantic relationship with a guy for about 5 years and even that relationship was not very good. I have gone on dates every once and a while and have met some nice men but the problem is that I just never feel anything for them so I dont persue any further relationship. My sister says I should give them more of a chance which I believe I do becuase I usually go on about 3 dates or so with them before I give it up. I just dont seem to feel anything, I am numb inside and the worst part is all I keep on doing while I am sitting there with them is thinking about all the things that are wrong with me physically and otherwise to the point that it drives me crazy. I dont want to be alone but I just dont know what to do its gotten to the point were even my parents are starting to comment and I dread family functions because its all anyone ever talks to me about which needless to say does not make me feel any better about myself. I am confident at work and do really well in the academic part of my life but this part of my life scares me because I want to be able to feel some sort of emotion for someone else. I read recently about avoidant personality disorder which sounds similar to what I experience. Is there something wrong with me? Should I be seeing someone about it? I appreciate any advice thanks.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like you may have primary problems in self-image and self-esteem, ( reflected in your choice of e-mail address, not shown in the public forum) and this will interfere with your relationships. If you don't like you, it will be harder for others to like you, and you may sabotage new relationships, feelign that you really don't deserve for them to work.
It's not so much that there's something awful wrong with you, but you're not functioning as well as you could be. And therapy / Counselling could help a lot, preferably from a realistic Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy CBT therapist. Why not see a good local psychologist for a full assessment. Unless there's a major degree of depression present as well, you would probably be much better helped by therapy than medications

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

4
Our users say:
Posted by: D | 2009/10/20

I' ve been in the same boat. I ' broke'  many hearts while I forced myself into relationships for a few weeks, never once feeling anything for the men, then ' disappeared' . (My longest ' relationship'  ever, lasted 2 weeks!) Being in those relationships/dates were the most difficult, boring and chore-like experiences. I even thought I was perhaps gay, but turns out I do it either way. I always hear the comments behind my back, the ones I' m not supposed to hear. It' s all rather strange especially since I yearn for intimacy.

Reply to D
Posted by: Casey | 2009/10/20

Thanks for the reply. I have never actually found somebody who felt the same way it' s actually nice not to feel alone. Thanks

Reply to Casey
Posted by: Jim | 2009/10/20

I have the same problem! I mainly do dates to stop the homosexual comments. Anyway its been a while since I have been on one because it does not fix the comments anymore and its really difficult to enter a relationship with someone that I do not feel anything for. Without that love-is-blind spark the person is just plain annoying after a while. All this bothers me because I know that I have met some awesome girls. What to do.. what to do..

Reply to Jim
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/10/20

Sounds like you may have primary problems in self-image and self-esteem, ( reflected in your choice of e-mail address, not shown in the public forum) and this will interfere with your relationships. If you don't like you, it will be harder for others to like you, and you may sabotage new relationships, feelign that you really don't deserve for them to work.
It's not so much that there's something awful wrong with you, but you're not functioning as well as you could be. And therapy / Counselling could help a lot, preferably from a realistic Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy CBT therapist. Why not see a good local psychologist for a full assessment. Unless there's a major degree of depression present as well, you would probably be much better helped by therapy than medications

Reply to cybershrink

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