Posted by: Concerned-sharns | 2009-01-29

attention seeking/truth

Hi I have this friend who is completely overbearing.She began our friendship by pushing me into seeing her every day and then began to tell me her brother molested her and now she tells me she was involved in an escort agency.She also recently told me she doesn' t want to see me with another man as she is in love with me.We are both girls??? I have told her where I stand with that but she suffers from anorexia.Could this be another way of getting attention.I would never just not be friends with her, just would help to try to understand her.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

She doesn't sound like a friend, but, rather, a user. Shesounds comprehensively disturbed, and wanting to include you within her problems, rather than working, as she should, with a competent shrink / therapist to sort out her problems. Do NOT get involved --- it would help neither of you. She needs treatment, not "understanding" which mioght harm her by enabling her to continue to avoid the therapy she really needs. WTF is accurate in using the phrase emotional vampire. Do not donate emotional blood to her ! Just pleasantly and consistemtly encourage her to get the help she needs from qualified professionals

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Our users say:
Posted by: Hope* | 2009-01-30

Hi Concerned-Sharns. You friend has obviously been through something that has hurt her emotionally. She needs to see a psychologist and a psychiatrist. Your help and the fact that you are willing to try and understand will give her so much more strength if she is willing to see shrinks. Perhaps you could go with her to one or two sessions with a psychologist who will probably also refer her to a psychiatrist and between the two they should be able to help her become more stable. I like you non judgemental approach rather that a critical one. You are a good and loving friend to her. Perhaps in the past when she really needed help, there was no one to help her. It warms my heart to see partners and family members who care and are compassionate rather than the opposite reaction. I wish you well and hope you manage to get her the help she needs.

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Posted by: WTF | 2009-01-30

Girl, your friend needs to see a shrink asap! She tells you these stories to keep you (make you feel sorry for her) - friendships like these don' t last very long and often ends with very destructive behaviour (on her part). She already told you she is in love with you! It will get worse and worse - she sounds like an emotional vampire that drains the very life from you. End your friendship - you have nothing to gain here. A friendship must always be mutual - not one always needy and the other supportive. Start making excuses not to see her and tone it down a bit. Maybe speak to someone in her family to get her to a good doc? Do you really need this in your life? There is just something about broken wings that you can' t repair.

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