Our expert says:
Firstly, you are, indeed, a good mother, and your concerns illustrate that. You and your child had the misfortune to fall into the orbit of a vicious and dangerous abuser, and it is fortunate that your child has escaped without more serious harm. But from the sound of it he has probably been traumatized and may need some attention for this. See whether you can arange for him to see a child psychologist, and if you can't afford to do this privately, explore wether he can be seen and assessed by such a shrink at the Psych dept of your nearest medical school or large state hospital.
Woman also raises the issue of reporting this to the child welfare authorities and police, so that the abuser is identified and charged, to prevent her from doing this to any other children.
Woman, and father, are right that the indications are that in some way she hurt and frightened him in conection with bath and dressing times, and to build nicer associations with those necessary events may be useful.
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