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Question
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2009/11/24

At a loss - want to disappear, how?

Hi CS,

Haven' t been here a while, things have been rough, on and off.

I am having great difficulty again with the ex, probably my own doing as he seems to be like a drug to me and I can' t seem to get rid of him.

I have been to rehab again for alcohol and am now clean for some time, plan to remain as such as I know the next time I go that route I am not going to make it. I am so frustrated though because the ex showed up and hasn' t left yet although he has often said he would. He has packed up and left then come back again and again and again.

Our son is now soon to be 4 and it is good for him to know his father, but then sometimes it ain' t. Last night the bugger told this small child that he isn' t his father after my son asked him, he always asks me, are you my Mommy, so he said to his father, are you my Daddy? He is such a sweet child and doesn' t deserve that kiind of treatment.

I asked my sister to collect him so that I could minimise the exposure and deal with the father, but it turned out differently, he basically gave me a hiding and proceeded to have sex with me, my hands were literally tied, I am not a child and this behaviour is not acceptable to me, but I learnt as a child you do not scream, you take what you get and shut up.

My daughter moved to my sister as well as she was not willing to stay in the same house as this man. I don' t want to be there either, but the fear completely immobilises me.

He is financially burdening me, taking my children away from me and isolating me from my friends, I don' t even want to go to work anymore, it just doesn' t feel right. I have bipolar and borderline personality disorder and I feel at a complete loss, I couldn' t even sleep last night and couldn' t find the keys to my own house.

He doesn' t let me drive my own car and he is constantly at my work checking what I am doing. When he actually leaves, he sends me the most disgusting sms' s and leaves messages that cannot be repeated. He then shows up and makes himself at home. He doesn' t understand that he has to leave, even when he saids he wants to, he leaves and comes back.

I have had him removed, I have taken him away, I have written letters to him. He has people watching out for me where I work, so when I attempt to get a protection order, I am stopped, when I attempt to go to someone for help, I am stopped. I am thoroughly exhausted and don' t know what to do. Isn' t there an establishment that can perhaps help me to disappear?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

BT, nice to hear from you again, after all this time. The second veteran to appear today !
Sorry to hear of some remaining problems. You seemed to be doing so well when not in contact with the Ex. Good to have gone back to rehab when needed, and to have stayed dry.
You know for sure that the Ex will keep coming back every time you allow him to do so, and that he will stay for as long as you allow him to do so. What happened to the restraining order ?
And especially after he has been so mean towards the child.
And now you say he raped you, after tying you up ? That is criminal, and he should be charged. Talk urgently to POWA or some similar group and plan yet again for your safety and to regain control of your home, and have him permanently excluded from it. POWA may be able to suggest some Safe Houses you could go to temporarily while he gets taken care of legally.
Keep copies of all his nasty messages and SMS, and give copies of the3se to POWA and to your lawyer and the police - and anyone who helps him to control or assault you, or to stop you getting another restraining order, are themselves probably guilty of criminal offenses - what sort of people are they ?



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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Debbie | 2009/11/24

Beyond Tired, I' ve followed your posts for a few years now and you must first decide that you really want to disappear before anyone can help you disappear.

Clearly your children means nothing to you otherwise you would have done ANYTHING and EVERYTHING not to have this man in your life.

Decide what you want in life because only you can change your circumstances, NO ONE ELSE!!!

Reply to Debbie
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/11/24

BT, nice to hear from you again, after all this time. The second veteran to appear today !
Sorry to hear of some remaining problems. You seemed to be doing so well when not in contact with the Ex. Good to have gone back to rehab when needed, and to have stayed dry.
You know for sure that the Ex will keep coming back every time you allow him to do so, and that he will stay for as long as you allow him to do so. What happened to the restraining order ?
And especially after he has been so mean towards the child.
And now you say he raped you, after tying you up ? That is criminal, and he should be charged. Talk urgently to POWA or some similar group and plan yet again for your safety and to regain control of your home, and have him permanently excluded from it. POWA may be able to suggest some Safe Houses you could go to temporarily while he gets taken care of legally.
Keep copies of all his nasty messages and SMS, and give copies of the3se to POWA and to your lawyer and the police - and anyone who helps him to control or assault you, or to stop you getting another restraining order, are themselves probably guilty of criminal offenses - what sort of people are they ?



Reply to cybershrink

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