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Question
Posted by: Beyond Tired | 2010/08/25

At a loss - men troubles

Hi CS,
I am loosing my mind, I have met someone but he doesn''t seem to understand that I don''t want to rush things and I don''t know if I am imagining things or not, but he seems insecure. He already asked me to marry him, I have said it is too soon, so he saids things like, he is talking in the wind because it is not going to happen, but I have been through enough hurt and pain by rushing into things and don''t want to do that again. I also first want things settled with my children. I am not sure what I have to do to ensure I get them back. They are with my sister, they were taken away from me because of the lies of people and we are going to court in October to decide what is to happen, but my sister talks as if they won''t be coming home to me soon.

This man said''s he wants to become more involved with them as well but I am very wary. I haven''t had the time to just be and he doesn''t understand it, I want and need time on my own. How do I ask him for time without hurting him, I don''t want to push him away either, he has been very good to me so far.

The problem with him being so good to me, in all my failed relationships, the men usually started out being nice and good to me and then when they think they have me, they change. He was for example upset last night when another gentlemen told him, he must hold onto me and another said he liked me, it is not my problem what men say, I don''t talk to them......
What to do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Hello BT,
You're probably right in your assessment of this guy - to propose mariage too early in a relatonship suggests insecurity and an element of desperation. And surely you need and deserve someone stable and calm and secure ?
You are absolutely right not to want to rush into such things. With a hearing coming up in October, you want to be, and be seen to be, stable and calm and capable, and his involvement with them at this stage is unliely to be helpful.
Just explain calmly to him that you have ben through very difficult times, and need some calm time alone to finish working through these ; and that you need to face the ordeal of the case involving your children, without any other complications in another relationship just then. You could comment that while you need a good friend at this stage, one who would understand when you needed time alone, you don't need a lover or any more complicated or demanding relationship at this time. Explain that you are confident that he is genuine enough and sensible enough, to recognize that you need this, and to be understanding and helpful in this way

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

1
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/08/25

Hello BT,
You're probably right in your assessment of this guy - to propose mariage too early in a relatonship suggests insecurity and an element of desperation. And surely you need and deserve someone stable and calm and secure ?
You are absolutely right not to want to rush into such things. With a hearing coming up in October, you want to be, and be seen to be, stable and calm and capable, and his involvement with them at this stage is unliely to be helpful.
Just explain calmly to him that you have ben through very difficult times, and need some calm time alone to finish working through these ; and that you need to face the ordeal of the case involving your children, without any other complications in another relationship just then. You could comment that while you need a good friend at this stage, one who would understand when you needed time alone, you don't need a lover or any more complicated or demanding relationship at this time. Explain that you are confident that he is genuine enough and sensible enough, to recognize that you need this, and to be understanding and helpful in this way

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