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Question
Posted by: anon | 2012/04/03

asexual

I am a sexual, and my husband has a very high libido, is there anything I can give him to reduce his libidi, I let him have sex every week when I am not on, but this is no way near enough for him, if I let him, he would have sex every night, I am just not interested in sex, I do have orgasms evey time, but if I never had sex again, it would also be okay. I have also caught my husband masturbating, and told him that thats unfaithful, so he better not do it again, that is why I give him sex weekly, because I know a mans urges, but the more I give the more he wants, I am happy to give him sex, but not with foreplay, and I dont do oral, we are just not sexually compatible, but are compatible in every other way, what should I do

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

differences in sexual desires, needs and wants are normal. try using alternative forms to penetrative sex like masturbating him. additionally, a therapist may be necessary to deal with negotiating sex and helpling the two of you to address your concerns, needs etc.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Gratten | 2012/04/14

I almost can''t believe you''re saying that you are upset because you caught him masturbating. Is this true?

Being very very frank  if your husband is very horny, and you''re not putting out enough and/or are not enthusiastic enough about sex, then be thankful that he''s not cheating on you!

If you guys are not sexually compatible, then why are you two together? Do you really expect him to become asexual like you?

I''m so glad that I''m a homosexual male - guys are always horny

Reply to Gratten
Posted by: Bushy | 2012/04/04

I concure with the three comments above, I could not have said it better- anon need to know that she''s the most luckiest woman on earth to have a man like that. Most men don''t believe in masturbation-they''d rather go look somewhere else to satisfy their sexual needs. And once they do, all hell is breaking loose!
Good luck.

Reply to Bushy
Posted by: Mr t | 2012/04/04

Well said Cindy and Nini, both of you need medical help. I think your man is a good man if he masturbating, because cheating man don''t do masturbation. Please don''t be hard on him. Some women can give all they have to have a man like that. You are a blessed woman, you must know that.

Reply to Mr t
Posted by: sexologist | 2012/04/04

differences in sexual desires, needs and wants are normal. try using alternative forms to penetrative sex like masturbating him. additionally, a therapist may be necessary to deal with negotiating sex and helpling the two of you to address your concerns, needs etc.

Reply to sexologist
Posted by: Nini | 2012/04/03

Well said Cindy.

If you are aware that your husband has a high sex drive, then how can you expect him not to masturbate? I understand that your sex drive is different to his, but I think you need to learn to compromise. If he is willing to respect tour wishes, and there compromise by only get it from you once a week, then you need to compromise too and let him then fulfill his sexual need through masturbation. You have basically stopped any other sexual contact, including foreplay, so as Cindy says, be grateful that he is not looking to fulfillt his need somewhere else.

I think you need to realise that masturbation is not a sin. It''s not dirty, and it''s not cheating either. It''s human instinct and human nature to have that sexual need and desire, and masturbation is a healthy and safe way of releasing that need. As long as his masturbation is not excessive, I think you need to cut him some slack.

It''s a good thing that you have realised that you guys are not sexually compatible. But it is not healthy for a relationship to not have that balance. I think that you perhaps need to consider seeking medical / professional help to see if there isn''t perhaps an underlying cause for your lack of sexual desire? Just a thought...

Reply to Nini
Posted by: Cindy | 2012/04/03

I don''t get how you think it''s fair to expect your hubby not to masturbate if you''re not giving him enough - and you know you''re not. Relationships are give and take - you''re a-sexual and not giving hubby enough. You expect him to respect your a-sexuality and so it''s only fair that you respect him masturbating. If not, his gonna masturbate behind your back. Like it or not, you''re not gonna stop him masturbating. Be happy that at least he''s masturbating and not getting his groove on some place else.

Reply to Cindy

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