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Question
Posted by: suzanne | 2009/12/15

Asexual

Hi, I' m 36 yrs old and have never been in a physical relationship. I like men, but they don' t seem attracted to me. I am very shy regarding sex and honestly would not even know what to so if it would happen to me! I wa brought up in a very strict Christian household where sex was not discussed, I feel no need for a man in my life? Is that wrong? I just feel ashamed that I am still a virgin at my age! I actually do not believe in sex before marrraige, but you can understand that I also have needs.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

There are two issues that need to be seperated: one is your shyness and awkwardness around men, and the other is whether or not you are 'asexual' - in otherwords whether you have sexual feelings or see yourself as partly a sexual being (I'm not contradicting your religous belief - you can choose not to act sexually in line with strict religious beliefs despite the fact you are partly a sexual being).

It is not 'wrong' from a societal point of view to choose to be alone - but I'm not sure that that is what you are doing, it sounds asthough you actually might like this to be different but feel it is out of reach for you somehow. If your shyness / awkwardness blocks your ability to relate to a potential partner, then I recommend you seek a psychologist to assist you to address this issue.

As for your 'needs' vs. being asexual...it sounds like you have an inner conflict with your belief system and I recommend you work either within this to address this conflict, or seek outside support from a counsellor sympathetic to your religious beliefs to assist you to resolve this.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Bee | 2009/12/16

Perhaps you should go for counselling to understand why you are experiencing difficulties. There could be a number of reasons why you feel like this, perhaps trauma as a child or you saw bad things when growing up or perhaps you are attracted to women or you feel insecure about something.
Speak to a professional - be careful of telling the wrong people and getting used and abused because you sound very innocent.

Reply to Bee
Posted by: Suzanne | 2009/12/15

Thanks, but what is the use without a man? Anyway, I don' t really have an interest in men. maybe too scared of rejection. Do you think I' m abnormal ? I really don' t know how handle relationships.my only physical contact with men was a few disastrous kisses. Can you believe at my age. Weird to be honest about it.

Reply to Suzanne
Posted by: Me | 2009/12/15

HI Sue,
To be honest with you. It is not a sin to have sex, it is part of life and healthy for your body as well. I can help me with your process of exploring sexuality, I dont wanna have sex with you, but i can assist you to know the " HOW"  and the feeling. If u need help lets get in contact.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Me | 2009/12/15

HI Sue,
To be honest with you. It is not a sin to have sex, it is part of life and healthy for your body as well. I can help me with your process of exploring sexuality, I dont wanna have sex with you, but i can assist you to know the " HOW"  and the feeling. If u need help lets get in contact.

Reply to Me
Posted by: Kitty kat | 2009/12/15

Hi
my darling you can' t spend the rest of your life waiting for marriage you are old now .You need to go out there and get some,you don' t know what you are missing....

Reply to Kitty kat
Posted by: Sexologist | 2009/12/15

There are two issues that need to be seperated: one is your shyness and awkwardness around men, and the other is whether or not you are 'asexual' - in otherwords whether you have sexual feelings or see yourself as partly a sexual being (I'm not contradicting your religous belief - you can choose not to act sexually in line with strict religious beliefs despite the fact you are partly a sexual being).

It is not 'wrong' from a societal point of view to choose to be alone - but I'm not sure that that is what you are doing, it sounds asthough you actually might like this to be different but feel it is out of reach for you somehow. If your shyness / awkwardness blocks your ability to relate to a potential partner, then I recommend you seek a psychologist to assist you to address this issue.

As for your 'needs' vs. being asexual...it sounds like you have an inner conflict with your belief system and I recommend you work either within this to address this conflict, or seek outside support from a counsellor sympathetic to your religious beliefs to assist you to resolve this.

Reply to Sexologist

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