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Question
Posted by: Cold | 2012/10/17

As cold as ice....HELP!!

I''m in my thirthies and are married for 11 years. From the beginning sex werent important for me, but there were some good times as well. Things got bad between my husband and I and everytime we fight, the most horrible things had been said. Sex is painful for me and no fun at all. I don''t have any any sex drive in my. I don''t have a libido what so ever. My husband is starting to get on my nerves for not giving him any sex. I know it is a huge problem. I''ve read several tips and books, but don''t do anything. I''m as cold as a fish when it comes to sex. I don''t know if there is any pills I can drink to help, because this issue is becoming a bigger problem every day. I cant even rember the last time we''ve had sex.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear Cold
It seems that your relationship as a whole is going through a very difficult time. Your first step is to repair the foundations of your relationship. This will entail some open communication and the difficult subject of how the closing down of your sexual lives has affected each other. Specifically you may need to find ways of dealing with issues of trust and anger to move beyond the conflict that you describe. If together you are able to commit to improving your situation then there is yet hope. However, you may also need to see a gynaecologist to check that there are no medical causes for your pelvic pain or your diminished libido. You may have an endocrine problem or be depressed. If in a depressed or anxious state its very difficult to open up to sexual expression. It sounds like you have been struggling for many years but do have ‘good times’ that you can try to recapture. Individual therapy for yourself to explore you relationship to your own sexuality, and sexual counseling for you and your partner can open up new possibilities in your sexual relationship. Don’t heisitate to get the help you need. Good luck.
Anthony - SASHA

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: cold | 2012/10/19

Thanks for your reply. Something that I didn''t mention. I''ve had a affair for about 3 years, but nobody knows that, not even my husband..In this time with my boyfriend, I didn''t have any problem with making love to him. That was the first times that is was also " wow"  to me and I couldnt get enough of him. But is is now over a year that the affair has stopped.

Reply to cold
Posted by: sexologist | 2012/10/18

Dear Cold
It seems that your relationship as a whole is going through a very difficult time. Your first step is to repair the foundations of your relationship. This will entail some open communication and the difficult subject of how the closing down of your sexual lives has affected each other. Specifically you may need to find ways of dealing with issues of trust and anger to move beyond the conflict that you describe. If together you are able to commit to improving your situation then there is yet hope. However, you may also need to see a gynaecologist to check that there are no medical causes for your pelvic pain or your diminished libido. You may have an endocrine problem or be depressed. If in a depressed or anxious state its very difficult to open up to sexual expression. It sounds like you have been struggling for many years but do have ‘good times’ that you can try to recapture. Individual therapy for yourself to explore you relationship to your own sexuality, and sexual counseling for you and your partner can open up new possibilities in your sexual relationship. Don’t heisitate to get the help you need. Good luck.
Anthony - SASHA

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