Posted by: help | 2008-12-04


I' ve got a bad past with a relationhsip where I was abused and although I' m over it, I realize the affects of it still sometimes shows its ugly head.

This past relationship is a long time ago and I am now engaged to a wonderful man who treats me very well but as all couples we also disagree sometimes. Now Logically I know this is normal but emotionally I really take it hard sometimes. He made the mistake of threatening me today when we had a tiff about our guest list. Saying " Well then maybe we shouldn' t get married" . I know he said it out of anger and didn' t mean it and I know he regrets saying it but it made me explode. I completely started seeing worst case scenario and how we' re doomed etc etc I think you get the idea. Although I know I had the right to be upset I think I still over reacted. I' ve also been influenced by the fact that a close friend is getting a divorce and I' m scared the same will happen to me.

I have a shrink and we' ve decided to go to him together to speak about this but I' m scared that because we' ll only be talking about the problems that we have that my shrink won' t see the good of my fiance and think I should leave him. Am I making sense? I tend to see worst case so can you help me by telling me what I can expect? It' s normal to have some problems right? or are we doomed? Is this a big problem? or easy to fix?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Many men are nervous about getting married, at the best of time, and also about the planning of a wedding, so such last-minute jitters aren't uncommon. Sounds like you both over-reacted a bit, under the stress. Why not see a relationship counsellor together ? Seeing your own shrink who knows you, but together, could also be a good idea. And don't worry. Shrinks are used to taking into account that people only talk about their problems, and that there is usually a whole lot also going well, which doesn't need to be talked about.
Don't panic about having encountered some problems. Every person, and every couple, has some problems. If you were convinced you had no problems at all -- THAT would be a bigger problem. The issue is whether you can recognize problems and solve them. You're not doomed as a couple unless you absolutely insist on being doomed.

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