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Question
Posted by: Thelma | 2012/10/09

are you focused

Thank you for the previous response. Yes, I am apprehensive. I have always been body shy. I could however always climax. I am on an anti depessant since the divorce. I have been weaning off them for 4 months now, however, it is a process. About him - he is very different - there is no foreplay, really. We did talk about this. He works away and I actually only get to see him once every 2 weeks. He is more eager than what I am. I seriously want to enjoy at least ONE encounter.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Thelma, all of these factors can play a role - the antidepressants for starters will have increased your orgasmic threshold (ie. take more stimulation to reach orgasm), but the fact that you're weaning off them means that normal functioning should resume once they're out of your system. That said, once anxiety about having an orgasm has kicked in, this could be keeping you focused on thoughts/wishes to orgasm, rather than focusing on sensation (which is what you need to be doing). The fact that he is not into foreplay will mean that you are not able to become aroused enough before penetration (and his orgasm). The distance could go either way - make it super exciting to see him, or build up pressue to perform - the latter will negatively effect orgasm.

Basics of sexual pleasure and excitement are : relaxation, pleasurable touch (you will need to guide him, and he will have to be patient to follow you), and focus on sensations (not thoughts) that are arousing. I encourage you to reinforce your confidence in your body's response by stimulating yourself - then perhaps you can show him...?

Claire - SASHA
For further information please consult SASHA’s website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Sexologist | 2012/10/10

Thelma, all of these factors can play a role - the antidepressants for starters will have increased your orgasmic threshold (ie. take more stimulation to reach orgasm), but the fact that you're weaning off them means that normal functioning should resume once they're out of your system. That said, once anxiety about having an orgasm has kicked in, this could be keeping you focused on thoughts/wishes to orgasm, rather than focusing on sensation (which is what you need to be doing). The fact that he is not into foreplay will mean that you are not able to become aroused enough before penetration (and his orgasm). The distance could go either way - make it super exciting to see him, or build up pressue to perform - the latter will negatively effect orgasm.

Basics of sexual pleasure and excitement are : relaxation, pleasurable touch (you will need to guide him, and he will have to be patient to follow you), and focus on sensations (not thoughts) that are arousing. I encourage you to reinforce your confidence in your body's response by stimulating yourself - then perhaps you can show him...?

Claire - SASHA
For further information please consult SASHA’s website at www.sexualhealth.qw.co.za/dru For referral to a professional in your vicinity, please send an email to helpline.sasha@gmail.com

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