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Question
Posted by: Maggie | 2010/10/12

Are we unstable or not compatible

Good day Doc and everyone else
This is a bit long, but I need to state my case. I feel so unstable and not settled yet. I was still young when I moved out my mom''s house. 21 When I got my 1st child, 23 when I bought my own house and 25 when I bought a car. (ok maybe it''s not that young). I met my husband 6 years ago. He stayed in a caravan in someone''s backyard. He moved in and I basically “ showed”  him life, taught him how to drive and what not. The house I had was very small coz I had another baby from hubby in the interim. So I sold and we moved to a bigger house. We decided to buy a property a year later and moved into that property. After staying in our townhouse for a year we moved AGAIN and rented our place out and we rented somewhere else. Stayed there for another year and moved again........... Now the end of this month we decided to move BACK to our own property as we have continuous problems with tenants. I was very stable before I met him, and in the last 6 years we moved 4 times and now it''s the 5th. Well besides that we have problems with tenants, he has been retrenched, so also where we stay now, we won''t be able to afford rental as he is unemployed. (He is looking for a job and going for interviews at least). I was really ok before I met him and God must forgive me for thinking sometimes he brought “ bad luck”  into my life. He has been in and out of jobs like crazy for the past 6 years. All over he goes it''s either he gets retrenched or the contract expires. Me however has never been unemployed. I have been working ever since I matriculated. We live from hand to mouth year after year and I feel my children needs stability also. I was never rich, but I was comfortable. I love him very much and he is trying, but why are we so UNSTABLE or have such BAD LUCK. I believe for better or worse, rich or poor, therefore I do support him in everything he does. I most certainly hope this is our last move. I don''t know, I pray for him more than me and if I have this negative thoughts, I pray very hard and ask God to forgive me for thinking like this.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I agree with purple. You have an admirable work history, and have coped very well with the challenges of life. Sounds like your husband tries, but is much less effective, and gets mainly short-term or time-limited jobs - whicha re fine as a stepping stone, but he needs to keep looking for permanent employment from one of those shorter jobs, rather than waiting for them to end and then looking around all over again.
I don't think he has brought you bad luck, so much as experiencing ad luck and maybe bad planning, himself.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Purple | 2010/10/12

Since you are the stable one with the income, surely you aren''t moving to where he gets jobs?
Your career is clearly the more important one for family stability. I think you''ve stopped making the decisions and you are asking him (who is very mature) to lead the household when you are clearly the one with the skills to do so - take the control back.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/10/12

I agree with purple. You have an admirable work history, and have coped very well with the challenges of life. Sounds like your husband tries, but is much less effective, and gets mainly short-term or time-limited jobs - whicha re fine as a stepping stone, but he needs to keep looking for permanent employment from one of those shorter jobs, rather than waiting for them to end and then looking around all over again.
I don't think he has brought you bad luck, so much as experiencing ad luck and maybe bad planning, himself.

Reply to cybershrink

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