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Question
Posted by: Disgusted wife | 2008/08/04

Are Porno photos ok?

last night i saw porno photos on my husband' s computer. its made me feel sick to my stomach just knowing that he has all these photos of naked women that he is obviously viewing &  enjoying it i guess. I want to ask to know if its a guy thing or not. we have been married for more that 10yrs &  i will have not known that he is into this sort of thing. i am feeling really low right now, do i confront him or just ignore this? i guess its ok to look at a couple of photos, have a laugh &  move on, but when its saved in folders under different names,its not ok.
if i tell him i know, he will be upset that i went onto his computer, if i don' t, i will drive myself crazy thinking i am not good enough for him.
is this sort of thing normal for a married man to do- he is in his mid thirties.is this a mid life crisis for him?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Check the archives of this forum, as this is a topic I hacve discussed many times before. Why confront him or ignore it ? Why not discuss this calmly with him, and try to understand his viewpoint, enabling you to calmly express yours ? Yes, you are caught in the situation of having discovered things on his computer, and presumably he was not expecting you to search through it ( why did you search through it, I wonder -- what made you suspicious ? )
But rest assured, it has NOTHING to do with your not being good enough for him --- jsut as the usually better endowed men in such pictures don't mean that he's not good enough for you ro for himself. Its common in men of all ages, and not abnormal nor sign of a crisis, midlife or otherwise.

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Our users say:
Posted by: V | 2008/08/05

Make peace with it. I am very jealous of my boyfriend, but with the magnitude of porn pics floating around on the emails, it has become just another thing for me. To me its fine as long as he doesnt go out to pursue the " real thing"  and as long as he doesnt compare me with the airbrushed pics he is drooling over.
Why dont you look through it with him, then he wont hide it, and you would know what' s been keeping him busy on his pc. But to moan about it, is just going to make him hide it from you and definitely not stop it...

Reply to V
Posted by: Ja | 2008/08/05

Porn circulated between guys at school since eternity past. Its an every-day thing for guys and most have come across porn  it has never been a big-deal.
Unless you have a religious conviction against porn you will probably continue looking at it. Its easy to watch porn. Whats not so easy is to stop.

Reply to Ja
Posted by: Pleides | 2008/08/05

I think its a guy thing and I wouldn' t be overly worried. I think husbands hide it from their partners because they know it will upset us and we' ll start to think we dont turn them on sexually and that' s not the case at all. I wouldn' t confront him but wait until the time is right and broach the subject.

Reply to Pleides
Posted by: Rosey | 2008/08/04

I must be honest Disgusted Wife, I wouldn' t be too worried about that. I don' t find it offensive if my boyfriend wants to look at porn, but I can understand that it' s offensive when it' s hidden from you. Maybe you should make it a sexy thing - sit in his lap, wrap your arms round his neck and tell him, sensually, that you discovered his naughty little secret and u want to know why he hide it from u instead of watching a naughty movie with you once in a while.

Reply to Rosey
Posted by: been there | 2008/08/04

I also went through the same thing a few years ago and it progressively seemed to become almost a daily occurrence with him. He also was hiding them and later videos under " work"  files and I felt sick to the stomach. I was raised in a conservative family, and I can' t tolerate porn especially as we have two young boys. The final straw was when my the 13 year old found some of Dad' s " stuff" . I lost my cool entirely and tried to " outlaw"  it from home, but all that did was make my husband take it " underground. He subsequently started buying sex products from porn sites and I still don' t know who he used them on? Needless to say i feel my marriage is over and we live very seperate lives.Porn is OK if both partners enjoy it, but otherwise not and it has to be non accessible to kids.

Reply to been there

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