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Question
Posted by: Carly | 2011-12-12

APOLOGISE OR NOT?

My sister in law and I have been on bad terms for a few months now. When her daughter had her 16th birthday party they invited the whole family, two days before the party my mother in law called and told my husband that his niece did not want my son at her birthday party. My husband and I were really upset and he said that it that was what they wanted, we would stay away from them altogether. It has caused a lot of friction as my sister in law now refuses to come to our home when her husband visits. We do not speak to one another and avoid each other as far as possible. I acknowledge that I have been at fault when on occasion I have seen her, I have been rather rude to her. I feel that they should not have invited us to the party in the first place if their daughter did not want my son there. My son was very hurt when he we told him that he was not welcome at the party. I however feel that this has gone on for long enough now. Life is too short to worry about petty things. My sister in law is a very nasty person and can be very hateful at times, she does not care who she hurts and what she says. We used to get on very well and used to confide in one another about most things. About 18 months ago she just stopped calling and emailing and when I asked her what was wrong, she just ignored me. I feel that I did not do anything to upset her, yet she has pushed us away completely. Should I be the lesser one and try to patch things up with her or should I just leave her to wallow in her misery? I get on very well with her husband and it upsets my husband that we hardly get to see them because of her attitude. I don''t know what to do with this woman ... she has issues with her direct family (sisters and their children) too and they are constantly fighting amongst themselves..... Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Apart from the specifics here, I think people should recognize the difference between a child's birthday party, where SHE decides who she wants to invite, and a family party organized by the parents largely for themselves, even if the child's birthday is the excuse for it, to which THEY decide who to invite.
And here it seems as though their kid made a decision ( who knows why ) about not wanting your child, and the parents have managed to quarrel without anyone actually understanding exactly what it's all about.
And as long as you refuse to speak to each other, you;ll never understand what's happening, nor have any chance to sort it out.
If you take the initiative to try to sort this out ( with both parents, not only the SIL ) you'de be the bigger and more adult person, not "the lesser".

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-12-12

Apart from the specifics here, I think people should recognize the difference between a child's birthday party, where SHE decides who she wants to invite, and a family party organized by the parents largely for themselves, even if the child's birthday is the excuse for it, to which THEY decide who to invite.
And here it seems as though their kid made a decision ( who knows why ) about not wanting your child, and the parents have managed to quarrel without anyone actually understanding exactly what it's all about.
And as long as you refuse to speak to each other, you;ll never understand what's happening, nor have any chance to sort it out.
If you take the initiative to try to sort this out ( with both parents, not only the SIL ) you'de be the bigger and more adult person, not "the lesser".

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