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Question
Posted by: Cate | 2011/03/23

Any thoughts on how to handle this?

I found out by accident this morning that my husband has been visiting porn sites where you meet your sex''partner'' with videos ect. We have been maried for more than 20 yrs, and I presumed are happily married. I don''t know what to do with all this feelings of anger and frustration towards him. We have to talk about this tonight, but I know he might just get defensive....What do I do with this feelings, because I obviously love him, it doesn''t just change in a second and have 2 wonderfull kids who loves their father.....

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

Dear Cate,

It is evident that you are experiencing a vast range and intensity of emotions having discovered what you have. Knowing men and their sexuality it may be that you have discovered that your husband indulges in some form of voyeuristic porn viewing at the one end of the possibilities to the worst end of your fear that he may be having extramarital sexual relationships.

It is important that you do have a discussion with your husband with regards your discovery and a need to discuss what this possibly is about or may mean.

Remind yourself that at this point you do not yet actually know but that you need to engage in an exploration. If you are able to begin the conversation with your husband from this stance you may not come across as intensely accusatory and confrontational and he would then not need to be as defensive.

This could open up the channel of communication for what will be a difficult conversation.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: tony | 2011/03/24

hi im going through a divorse over this cypersex it all starts as fun and jokes then it gets more intence they start phoneing each other late at night while u sleeping having heavy sex talks then they send nude photos of themselves then they meet and live their fanatsay out till they get caught you will be supprise what else comes out. by the way my wife did it. were are marreid 24yrs i hope yours didnt go that far aii the best. tony

Reply to tony
Posted by: Just asking | 2011/03/24

Why are men so evil...these cheaters make me sick!

Reply to Just asking
Posted by: SameSame | 2011/03/23

Hi again. Herewith just a few questions: Does husband always "  work late"  . His cell''''s battery was always flat, he always forgot his cell was on silent after a meeting. He always "  got lost"  somewhere or there was roadworks so that is why he is late and so many more things?
And yes, it started with porn as per your post and it progressed and progressed.
Any of this sound familiar to you? let me know and if it does we need to chat.

Reply to SameSame
Posted by: cate | 2011/03/23

If I may ask....how did you handle it?

Reply to cate
Posted by: Samesame | 2011/03/23

re you Christa on the Cybershrink site? If not, I need to chat to you too.
Went through the same thing last year. Was horrible !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reply to Samesame
Posted by: sexologist | 2011/03/23

Dear Cate,

It is evident that you are experiencing a vast range and intensity of emotions having discovered what you have. Knowing men and their sexuality it may be that you have discovered that your husband indulges in some form of voyeuristic porn viewing at the one end of the possibilities to the worst end of your fear that he may be having extramarital sexual relationships.

It is important that you do have a discussion with your husband with regards your discovery and a need to discuss what this possibly is about or may mean.

Remind yourself that at this point you do not yet actually know but that you need to engage in an exploration. If you are able to begin the conversation with your husband from this stance you may not come across as intensely accusatory and confrontational and he would then not need to be as defensive.

This could open up the channel of communication for what will be a difficult conversation.

Reply to sexologist

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