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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2011-05-13

Anxious and stressed

My daughters father and I dont communicate at all. Whenever we need to talk about something about our daughter he ends up insulting me and telling me that I am basically a good for nothing. I have stopped communicating with him altogether. Its our daughters birthday soon and she wanted a party at her grandmothers house (her dads mom), the grandmother agreed and everything has been planned, booked and all the guests have rsvp''d. He does not live at his mom''s house, however this morning his mom called me to tell me that he has moved back as of last night. I wish i could cancel the party. I told his mom as much and told her its not a good idea for him and I to be in the same place - especially as his girlfriend will probably be there. I feel that i will be encroaching on his space and I should be the one to remove myself from that situation. She tried to reassure me that everything will be fine but speaking from past experiences i know that will not be the case. The only choice is rather to drop my daughter at her party and leave and collect her when the party is over. Any advice will be appreciated.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Have the arrangements betwen the pair of you been arrranged, if at all, by yourselves ( it sounds like this ) or have they been settled by a court ? Think always of what is best for the child. One wonders why his mother agreed to him suddenly moving back to stay with her, at a time like this. I'm not sure, though, why you would think of cancelling the party. If you are both due to be there - go, and behave marvellously. If he chooses to be rude to you, everyone else will see it and think the less of him, not you.
You will be at his Mother's place and space, and not his - both of you will be guests.
Go and enjoy the party, and behave so well that others can admire you for your maturity and wisdom. If he chooses to behave like a burke, let him.

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011-05-14

Have the arrangements betwen the pair of you been arrranged, if at all, by yourselves ( it sounds like this ) or have they been settled by a court ? Think always of what is best for the child. One wonders why his mother agreed to him suddenly moving back to stay with her, at a time like this. I'm not sure, though, why you would think of cancelling the party. If you are both due to be there - go, and behave marvellously. If he chooses to be rude to you, everyone else will see it and think the less of him, not you.
You will be at his Mother's place and space, and not his - both of you will be guests.
Go and enjoy the party, and behave so well that others can admire you for your maturity and wisdom. If he chooses to behave like a burke, let him.

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Mommy | 2011-05-13

You are both adults so start acting like it. You dropping off your daughter at her party (which you''ve arranged) because you dont want to be in the same vicinity as your child''s father and his girlfriend is not very mature. If you two dont have anything to talk about on the day stay out of his way. mingle and be happy and merry with the other guests and basically ignore him, if he has nothing nice to say to you there is no need for him to talk to you then so just ignore him. But I must ad treat him with the respect that you would like to be treated with, so dont insult him or badmouth him to any guests as that will just make you look bad and not to mention jealous and insecure about yourself... Good luck and enjoy your daughter''s party!!!

Reply to Mommy

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