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Question
Posted by: KIM | 2011/05/13

ANXIETY

Hi

I had a post awhile ago about an abusive ex that got engaged after our break up only 3 months later, i have been dealing with terrible anxiety i don’ t know why or how to get rid of it, its scary how your chest physically hurts.

Now last night i get a message from him last one was the one he told me he’ s engaged. Now i get hi can i talk to you? If you don’ t want to i understand or if your to busy let me know thanks. I haven’ t replied i wont, he will just set me back and what do i have to say to a man that left me with a blue eye then went about our break up in the worst way.

I still find my self wanting to know what he wants, what could he possible say to me. The anxiety is terrible, i can’ t stop my mind from racing. Do you suggest anything i should take or do?

Thanks

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I also don't see what you would have to gain by meeting to chat with your abusive ex. Doesn't your previous experience of him tell you that whatever specifically he wants, it won't be good for you, and you're not likely to be missing out on anything really good ?
This is not "post-traumatic stess" or PTSD ( the proper term for that typer of problem ) - it's just alarm bells ringing, based on previous experience.
Change your number so he can't contact you again, as there seems to be no good reason to enable him to do so

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/05/14

I also don't see what you would have to gain by meeting to chat with your abusive ex. Doesn't your previous experience of him tell you that whatever specifically he wants, it won't be good for you, and you're not likely to be missing out on anything really good ?
This is not "post-traumatic stess" or PTSD ( the proper term for that typer of problem ) - it's just alarm bells ringing, based on previous experience.
Change your number so he can't contact you again, as there seems to be no good reason to enable him to do so

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Reality | 2011/05/13

I must also congratulate you for not taking the responding to the /SMS, but I agree with Lizard that the reason you are feeling this anxiety is because you are tempted to see what he has to say. It may also be that you were experiencing anxiety because you know he has your number and that the time will come (which it now has) that he will con tact you again.

Don''t give in, and to help you avoid the temptation, change your number and you''ll be free of the anxiety. It will be for your own sanity in the end, because he is GOING to tell you that he is changed blah blah blah, and you WILL be tempted to try again, so do what you need to do to block the temptation.

I wish you all of the best in moving on with your life - free of this abuser.

Reply to Reality
Posted by: lizard | 2011/05/13

I agree with Romany

Reply to lizard
Posted by: Romany | 2011/05/13

Of course you are anxious to know what he has to say. You did spend some of your life with him after all and you are only human.
BUT you are so 100% right not to get involved. You are so strong and wise to just ignore the SMS and carry on with your life.
Obviously you have learned from this and you should be proud of yourself. If you are scared that he will carry on sms''ing you, then go ahead and change your mobile number. It will be worth the R100 or so.
Again well done for not falling intio the trap again.

Reply to Romany
Posted by: lizard | 2011/05/13

I landed up not being able to trust myself and then I became terrified of myself and other people, I felt identical to you all the time, I had to grab hold of myself and force myself to look after my own self properly, otherwise I would have gone insane, literally !!! I did this ONLY by GOD''S strength that he gave me just by the way, it was impossible for me to do it alone, I''m still a work in progress I''m 85% there, I used to have at least three panic attacks a day and some lasted for 5 hours, It was absolutle HELL

Reply to lizard
Posted by: lizard | 2011/05/13

post traumatic stress from the past and also your warning bells are going off like hell because you ARE contemplating speaking to him, DONT GO THERE, if you do, you are telling him you give him permission to give you another black eye, and he WILL, been there done that with my x husband

Reply to lizard

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