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Question
Posted by: baby | 2010/11/08

anxiety

Hi

I would just like to find out where my anxiety comes from when holding someone elses baby. Currently i am struggling to have conceive and think that maybe that could be the psychological explaination for not being able to conceive. On sunday a friend of mine told me i can hold her newborn baby but i held it for a little while and got scared, of getting to attached to the baby if i hold it. When i was younger my sister baby that i used to babysit i wanted to keep her but couldnt and at 19 suffered a great loss because of it. i wanted her to be mine. Deep inside i want a baby but feel scared at the same time to have one. Can you explain this to me. how can i deal with it. Fear of feeling that baby will be taken away from me once it is born. Help.......!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

These situations are complex enough to deserve a proper assessment by a shrink, in person. Anxiety about not conceiving can in itself reduce one's fertility. And presumably you have mixed feelings towards others who have had a baby, and towards the baby ? Those of us not used to ghandling babies, especially newborns, can simply be impressed by their fragility and could fear thnat we might drop them or otherwise accidentally harm them.
I don't yet understand some of your other remarks - you don't explain your circumstances, for instance. Are you married or otherwise in a stable relationship, so that there are two of you able to care for any child you might have ? You mention struggling to conceive, but have you set up the family background ready to receive and fully care for any baby ? I'm puzzled when you say you fear that the the baby would be taken away from you after the birth - why would that happen ? Is there any reason to expect you would be considered unfit to be a mother ?
Sounds over-0all as though it would be best for you to see a shrink for a full assessment and a discussion of all these concerns, and if there are problems which need to be dealt with, dealing with them properly may play a useful part in preparing you to be fertile AND to be a good mother.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/09

These situations are complex enough to deserve a proper assessment by a shrink, in person. Anxiety about not conceiving can in itself reduce one's fertility. And presumably you have mixed feelings towards others who have had a baby, and towards the baby ? Those of us not used to ghandling babies, especially newborns, can simply be impressed by their fragility and could fear thnat we might drop them or otherwise accidentally harm them.
I don't yet understand some of your other remarks - you don't explain your circumstances, for instance. Are you married or otherwise in a stable relationship, so that there are two of you able to care for any child you might have ? You mention struggling to conceive, but have you set up the family background ready to receive and fully care for any baby ? I'm puzzled when you say you fear that the the baby would be taken away from you after the birth - why would that happen ? Is there any reason to expect you would be considered unfit to be a mother ?
Sounds over-0all as though it would be best for you to see a shrink for a full assessment and a discussion of all these concerns, and if there are problems which need to be dealt with, dealing with them properly may play a useful part in preparing you to be fertile AND to be a good mother.

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