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Question
Posted by: Gibson | 2012/05/23

Anti-depressants killed my Marriage!!

My Wife has been on Anti-depressants for 8 Years now. Previous to that we had a great Sexual relationship - probably about 3 Times a week. This is a very sensitive subject for me. The Anti-depressants destroyed our Sex Life and came close to destroying my Marriage. You have no idea what it''s like to have no relationship with your wife because by 8pm she''s lying passed out in bed from the Pills. If I had the Cash - I would sue the living Hell out of the Doctor that prescribed the stuff for Her. My Wife was told that she has depression by this " Expert" . I was also told that there is no specific test that Doctors can give to test for depression!! They make all these decissions by talking to you and assessing your behaviour!! Can you damn believe that!! That means that any Psychiatrist can look at you - make an instant decision that you are Bipolar and pop you onto tons of Pills!! And the most frightening is that 90% of patients believe everything a Doctor says. This was exactly what happened to us on our first visit to the Psychiatrist. She was immediately popped onto tons of Pills. At no stage do these people bother to mention that Anti-depressants are addictive and that you cannot just leave the medication without some dangerous side-effects. At no stage do the so-called " Experts"  tell you that your Sex Life will be virtually destroyed. At no stage do they tell you how your Marriage could go down the drain and that you could totally Alienate yourself from your Children due to your Pills. We''ve been to therapy, councelling, clinics - you name it. Nothing ever changes. These Pills turn you into a Zombie - they change your personality - you become cold and withdrawn - you lose all affection for your loved ones!! Is there an answer to this? - I have no idea. All I know is that I''m sitting up wide awake in front of my Computer - telling my Story - while my Beautifull Wife - that I don''t know anymore - is lying passed out in Bed from the tablets that were supposed to " help"  her and make things better!! I feel like I''m wasting my Life!! WOW - 8 Years now - and to think I''m a good-looking healthy guy (No arrogance intended but I''m very hurt) !!! what a joke!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I hear how very angry you are about all this, and can understand why. Whatever else happened, it doesn't sound as though the doc involved explained the details of what was happening, to you or your wife, carefully enough at any stage.
We each differ in our personal chemistry, and so we all react somewhat differently tto medications, including antidepressants. Many of them cause sexual side-effects in SOME of those who take them - loss of libido and desire, or other problems. NONE of them cause it in everyone, and some of the newer ones are very unlikely to do so.
The side-effects you describe sound unpleasant and unacceptable, but are no inevitable, and needed to be discussed properly with her psychiatrist ( this sort of situation shouldn't be handled only by a GP )
Yes, there is no CHEMICAL test which can be done to decide whether or not someone has Depression or Bipolar Disorder, but if the proper internationally agreed criteria are used, as they should be, the diagnosis can be made really reliably by a details interview and checking on a whole range of symptoms and signs, much ,ike the majority of medical diagnoses.
NO competent shrink would make an "instant" decision on diagnosis without following a long and detailed and broadly agreed diagnostic process.
Antidepressants are not addictive in the general sense, but like many meds used in medicine, they should not be stopped abriptly, as this can cause some unpleasant symptoms in some people, but should rather be withdrawn more gradually.
She should not have been put immediately on "tons of pills" but if Bipolar Disorder was properly diagnosed, she may have needed more than one, perhaps two, at the start, to gain control of the situation, depending on her particular condition at the time.
Usually, the doctor should be providing accurate information, but should always encourage the patient, and perhaps also the spouse, to ask questions about any aspect of the situation which puzzles or troubles them, and to make sure they understand the responses ( so as not to speak in technical gobbledegook that ordinary people can't understand ).
Personally, I believe in combining psychotherapy / counselling of specific kinds ( not the general wishy-washy sort ) with meds.
The extreme reactions you describe are unusual, and, if reported to the shrink, should have been fully assessed and helped, and not ignored.
Maybe you have, unfortunately, not had the good fortune to be working with a really skilled and experienced psychiatrist. Sadly, that happens. I meet many shrinks, some are excellent, many are good, some are not so good. One or two make me feel ashamed to belong to the same species.
SO seek a second or even third opinion, as you obviously both deserve he best available assistance.
Do your own research, ask your own questions about anything that bothers you about the diagnosis and treatment, and be assertive rather than aggressive, in getting due attention and help

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

8
Our users say:
Posted by: ozzy pills... | 2016/08/03

I went as far as to call her doctor that prescribed her these antidepressants. I told him that she has become a totally different person and that our relationship has totally nosedived. It's to the point now where we are practically roommates instead of a romantic relationship. She has lost all ambition and just sits around. I have tried and tried and tried to motivate her with no luck. I went as far as to tell the doctor that he should take her off of these Ozzy pills or change her medication...Well the next time she saw her doctor well the next time she saw her doctor he told her about my phone call and the whole office got a great big laugh because of me using the reference Ozzy pills... And he said he thinks he made the correct decision and she still on the same medication.. I don't know her anymore and now we are splitting up. I absolutely hate it but there's nothing I can do. What those pills have done to her has destroyed both of our quality of life.

Reply to ozzy pills...
Posted by: Anonymous | 2014/08/08

I feel very sorry for the complainant who wrote the first letter, I am in exactly the same boat, beautiful wife was told she suffers from major depression, bipolar and all the rest, total nonsense, was put on pills and our marriage went down the drain. big fat female Psychiatrist here in George, South Africa, prescribed the medication. My brother, medical specialist in Canada says antipsychotics is the biggest money spinner in the States today, shame on all these Psychiatrists for destroying happy marriages under the pretense of helping people, they are just money hungry thugs who don't really care.

Reply to Anonymous
Posted by: Peter | 2013/10/12

Hi Gibson. Yeah antidepressants killed my marriage also. Your situation sounds almost identical to mine. And I am sorry to say mr. "cybershrink" or whatever the hell you call yourself, but doctors and psychiatrists are in it to make pharmaceutical companies and themselves rich. My wife completely and I mean TOTALLY changed her personality after taking this shit. Before, she was a normal and content wife happy with 3 children. It wasn't until she visited a doctor and a counselor that she became different. Walked out on her family after taking a course of antidepressants (namely mirtazapine as they call it here in Australia), that dreaded rubbish that you so-called experts prescribe. I feel sorry for Gibson because that is exactly what I went through. A woman who was once loving, caring, doted on her children and went out of her way to keep this family strong, became a cold, selfish, emotionally numb person virtually overnight not to mention the trouble it caused in our sex life. So to hell with all of your medical jargon and I dont believe a word of it. There are ways in this world where people can overcome depression simply by taking a fucking walk in nature or going for a swim, or listening to music, faith in god-I am not naive enough to say that is not for everyone, but come on lets be seriously logical about this: do we really need to take mind altering medication to fuck our minds up?? Perhaps those who verge on suicidal may need serious attention. All the things that Gibson said: Marriage went down the drain, sex life destroyed...all these things and more became evident after her course of antidepressants and bullshit counselling. Get your facts right. I dont care how many years of study you all trained for in your quest to attempt to heal people, but history has proven you failures. I am a qualified architect and I can tell you myself that buildings still collapse and dilapidate even from the work of our finest practitioners. Think about it...down-to-earth and in all honesty, at the end of the day, chemicals will do absolutely nothing but mask the problem. I ask you...look deep into that person and send them in the RIGHT direction-not the one you sent my wife in and countless other victims.

Reply to Peter
Posted by: OneWildNight | 2012/05/24

I''m sorry you are having such a hard time, but it really isn''t the anti-depressent (well, maybe that particular brand, but not all brands in general). My mother is bipolar and she was on medication that really messed with her (made her even more depressed and aggressive, etc). After chaging the brand, she is feeling better.

You have to educate yourselves more, and ask yourself and your wife, " why is she staying on this brand if it is doing this to her?"  It''s like bashing your head against the wall, expecting it not to hurt next time.

You are adults and responsible enough to learn how to do research and ask questions and don''t be afraid to ask the psychiatrist himself about your wifes mediation- my father has spoken to my moms doctor on plenty of occasions (not to ask about confidential things, but about the medication and side effects).

I mean you are complaining that " 90% of patients just go along with what the doctos say"  but you are part of that number! You complain that " at no time do they mention that anti-depressants are addictive"  but you should also ask! You can''t just be angry at the people that prescribe these things, you musy be angry at yourselves too because you and your wife never took the initiative to ask these questions and do your research too!

You don''t just buy a car based on what the salesman says to you, you go out and do your research about the car, maybe go and see a couple of dealerships... the same principal applies. Sorry.

Reply to OneWildNight
Posted by: Liza | 2012/05/24

I understand your anger, but it''s not the pills that are the biggest problem here. From what you''ve said, it sounds more like your wife''s psychiatrist is the problem. Unfortunately there are psychiatrists out there who''re in it for the money and nothing else. They tend to give the whole profession a bad name... I also had a psychiatrist who just continued to prescribe more and more pills - with nothing ever working and my life spiralling out of control.

If things are this bad, it''s time for a change. Has your wife ever thought of seeing a different psychiatrist for a second opinion? My life changed dramatically when I found a psychiatrist who actually cared about getting me fully functional again and on the least amount of medication possible. I still have ups and downs (bipolar), but at least I feel ''normal'' most of the time. Sometimes it take months or even years to figure out what medications work best with the least amount of side-effects. The trick is to know when to draw the line and make the decision that the side effects are too bad or the medication isn''t working. Most people simply don''t know better and keep on using the meds that were prescribed even when it''s causing problems or not working at all.

Just remember that a good psychiatrist will ALWAYS explain the most common side effects of any medication they prescribe. If they don''t it''s a really bad sign...

Good Luck
Liza

Reply to Liza
Posted by: Maria | 2012/05/24

I agree with everything Purple says, as another long time depression sufferer who has tried more than 4 different ad''s. Her last paragraph describes my experience exactly. Get a second opinion from a different psychiatrist, that worked wonders for me.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Purple | 2012/05/24

You sound very angry about whats happened.
Something must have happened to cause her to see a psychiatrist in the first place though - one doesn''t just walk off the street into a psychiatrists office and get given antidepressants.

There are many different types of antidepressants, so if your wife felt like a zombie on one type, she could have been changed to another. Did she not mention her concerns to the psychiatrist?

Its not the 1970''s where people do just listen to everythng their doctor says, patients are expected to take a bit of personal responsibility for their health, read up a bit, question their doctor, but trust that their doctor will take their concerns into account and advise a treatment plan where the benefits outweight the risks - and there are always risks and side effects with medicines. Anything that claims no side effects can only do so if there is no active ingredient either.

Anyway, that''s just my 2c worth as a long term antidepressant user - because, after trying about 4 different ones - some that made me fat, some that made me feel like a zombie and finally finding an older one that does work for me, I feel that I can now cope with being a working mother who gives my all to my family and my job and doesn''t snap everyone''s head off or turn down visits from friends because I think they''re just feeling sorry for me but don''t want to be with me, or wanting to drive into the car in front of me on the way to work.

Reply to Purple
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/05/24

I hear how very angry you are about all this, and can understand why. Whatever else happened, it doesn't sound as though the doc involved explained the details of what was happening, to you or your wife, carefully enough at any stage.
We each differ in our personal chemistry, and so we all react somewhat differently tto medications, including antidepressants. Many of them cause sexual side-effects in SOME of those who take them - loss of libido and desire, or other problems. NONE of them cause it in everyone, and some of the newer ones are very unlikely to do so.
The side-effects you describe sound unpleasant and unacceptable, but are no inevitable, and needed to be discussed properly with her psychiatrist ( this sort of situation shouldn't be handled only by a GP )
Yes, there is no CHEMICAL test which can be done to decide whether or not someone has Depression or Bipolar Disorder, but if the proper internationally agreed criteria are used, as they should be, the diagnosis can be made really reliably by a details interview and checking on a whole range of symptoms and signs, much ,ike the majority of medical diagnoses.
NO competent shrink would make an "instant" decision on diagnosis without following a long and detailed and broadly agreed diagnostic process.
Antidepressants are not addictive in the general sense, but like many meds used in medicine, they should not be stopped abriptly, as this can cause some unpleasant symptoms in some people, but should rather be withdrawn more gradually.
She should not have been put immediately on "tons of pills" but if Bipolar Disorder was properly diagnosed, she may have needed more than one, perhaps two, at the start, to gain control of the situation, depending on her particular condition at the time.
Usually, the doctor should be providing accurate information, but should always encourage the patient, and perhaps also the spouse, to ask questions about any aspect of the situation which puzzles or troubles them, and to make sure they understand the responses ( so as not to speak in technical gobbledegook that ordinary people can't understand ).
Personally, I believe in combining psychotherapy / counselling of specific kinds ( not the general wishy-washy sort ) with meds.
The extreme reactions you describe are unusual, and, if reported to the shrink, should have been fully assessed and helped, and not ignored.
Maybe you have, unfortunately, not had the good fortune to be working with a really skilled and experienced psychiatrist. Sadly, that happens. I meet many shrinks, some are excellent, many are good, some are not so good. One or two make me feel ashamed to belong to the same species.
SO seek a second or even third opinion, as you obviously both deserve he best available assistance.
Do your own research, ask your own questions about anything that bothers you about the diagnosis and treatment, and be assertive rather than aggressive, in getting due attention and help

Reply to cybershrink

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