Our expert says:
Maybe its considerate of her to want you to be involved in decisions about the baby's future, but such a meeting may of course be painful for you. I've no idea of what legal issues are involved, but suspect she might be allowed to give the child its father's surname, but that this may need his consent and some formal legal process.
There is no good excuse for her choosing to sleep with a married man, and, apparently, to take no contraceptive precautions. But surely a major concern now has to be the best interests of the child, and your husband can't evade a responsibility to provide maintenance for the child, though the mother should also of course be expected to contribute towards that.
Maybe if you agree to meet her in this suggested meeting, you'll have a better chance to assess whether she is being as opportunistic as you suspect, and to intervene to limit that, mif it proves to be so.
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