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Question
Posted by: Disappointed | 2012/08/09

angry tone with wife, happy tone with women

My husband and I have been married for 25 years. For several years, and especially of late, it is clear that he does not care HOW he talks to me. There''s always an abrupt tone, NO SMILE, and straight to the point. With other women, however, he speaks gently, big smile and takes his time.

Because he has had affairs etc, I do not feel that I love him, but I HAVE been trying to make an effort by reaching for his hand no matter where we are, and especially at night time. For me that is huge.

What is up with this man? He has always been an angry person, but of late he is a real grouch. And everyone knows that and talks about it, tho he does not believe me when I tell him what people think of him. And believe me, it is not nice things.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You don't mention his age ; as some people get older, they may suffer a degree of senility in which their degree of self-control diminishes and they can be more tactless and hurtful without fully realizing what they've said or done. More often, such a change in behaviour is due to the disinhibiting effects of alcohol, maybe drugs, whether street drugs or over-the-counter remedies being abused.
But when you say he CAN clearly control his temper and manners when speaking to other women,. this sounds more personal. Yet, from your comments, his underlying anger is seemingly apparent to others. The troule is, whatever is bothering him, he can only be helped if HE recognizes this is a problem and seeks help sincerely.
I suppose if you quietly say to him that these comments are insulting and hurtful, he is displeased, and denies it ? At an age above the 30's, spontaneous change for the better isn't likely, unfortunaely.

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/08/10

You don't mention his age ; as some people get older, they may suffer a degree of senility in which their degree of self-control diminishes and they can be more tactless and hurtful without fully realizing what they've said or done. More often, such a change in behaviour is due to the disinhibiting effects of alcohol, maybe drugs, whether street drugs or over-the-counter remedies being abused.
But when you say he CAN clearly control his temper and manners when speaking to other women,. this sounds more personal. Yet, from your comments, his underlying anger is seemingly apparent to others. The troule is, whatever is bothering him, he can only be helped if HE recognizes this is a problem and seeks help sincerely.
I suppose if you quietly say to him that these comments are insulting and hurtful, he is displeased, and denies it ? At an age above the 30's, spontaneous change for the better isn't likely, unfortunaely.

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