Posted by: Funkyheart | 2008-11-11

Angry husband

My husband and i fight at least once a month. Its always cos of something i should have would have could have, did not do. But his angre is unreasonable. He is cross for days and its a huge blow up as if his life depended on it. I am so tired of been the bad apple and having him cross with me alllllllll the time. gosh i am damned if i dont and damned if i do. i just cant win. i am tired. we had a huge blow up 2 months ago and i had ended it. we talked and agreed we did not want to end it but would try theorpy, i have found 3 churches for it, he wont go. i cant go to famsa as i cant get off work and travel to pta. so i told him last night must find a place but i actually would like to walk away. not even my children have temper tantrums like he does. i cant always be in the wrong can i?

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Our expert says:
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What a lot of energy and joy he wastes ! Brooding for days after even a significant argument over something real and important, is silly and unprofitable ; doing so after getting upset about something trivial, is very silly indeed.
Stop trying to please him. Choose a relatively calm time and tell him, calmly and pleasantly, what you said here, that you feel completely unable to please him, and would rather give up trying until the pair of you can sort things out with expert help. YOu don't mention where you live / work, but do check with FAMSA and your local facilities, as there may well be someone within reach of you.
Heart makes an excellent point about how many men are less able to handle emotional concerns and stress ( perhaps at work ) and may lash out in despair, such that it SOUNDS as though it's all about you, but in fact it's more like you're a lightning rod, collecting his dischange of electricity.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Me | 2008-11-11

My husband used to be exactly like yours, I could also never do anything right in his eyes, always sulkig for every and any little thing, and I just decided to hell with this, and I started to ignore him, just like he ignored me when he was sulking. it seemed childish at the time, almost like tit for tat but it worked. I was tempted to defend my self when he falsely accused me of stuff I didnt do or shouldve done, but eventually if he did that I' d just say ok, and walk away, go to the room, sleep or watch tv, or play with my son, instead of working myself up for him. I also told him when we were ok and things were calm at home that he tends to get cross for any thing, even if someone else made him angry he brought it home, and I asked him if he thought that was fair on me, also told him that it was childish to blow up for any little thing. Guess what, he stopped acting out and although he still has his moments, its not as exttreme as in the beginning.

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Posted by: Heart | 2008-11-11

Eish, this sounds so familiar. Angry husbands and then they critisize everything you say or do.

Been there worn the Tshirt.

However after many fights etc. I realised its because he is stressed out and do not know how to deal with it. Women are emotional and talk about it,, men don' t know how to deal with inner conflict so they lash at the one closest to them - meaning you. How you going to get him to realise that he needs to talk is still a mystery. Not all men are open for intervention but alteast you have some kind of an idea where this is coming from.

See if you can reach out to him.

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