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Question
Posted by: Sooki | 2012/05/07

Angry friend

I had a fallout with a friend and he has told me never to bother him again. I miss our chats and want to rekindle our friendship, but don''t know how to go about it. We had a fight about something really silly (me misinterpreting a comment he made). He was furious with me and then told me to never contact him again. I am a bit upset as I really miss him, but don''t want to make a nuisance of myself. Should I leave him alone for a few weeks and then make contact or leave him alone and wait for him to maybe contact me again? Some of my other friends have told me to leave him alone and allow him to sulk. I have thought of sending him a humorous card, but fear that it may make him even more angry. I must mention he does not have a very good sense of humour, is a very serious person and also suffers from depression (diagnosed). He is 48 years old and not a child anymore, but behaves and sulks like one whenever I say or do something that he thinks is out of line!!!! I can actually do without this drama in my life, but I am very fond of him and also feel sorry for him because he is a rather lonely person - lives alone with his cats!!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

There are no established rules about such things, especially as so much depends on the individuals and the history of the relationship.
Have you noticed how most fights are actually abou something rather silly ? You don't reveal the time-scale here, but it sounds like a rather recent tiff, and he is indeed probably still sulking.
Might be best to give him a couple of weeks to cool off ( or warm up ) and then make a simple, friendly, calm, approach, saying you're sorry he was apparently so hurt by a silly row over something so accidental and unintended. You can say you have really missed him, and would be happy to resume the friendship, but that you respect his feeling, and leave it to him.
A humorous card is dodgy, as it can be easily misinterpreted. Especially by such a solemn person without a sense of humour. Maybe send your warm good wishes to the cats ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2012/05/07

There are no established rules about such things, especially as so much depends on the individuals and the history of the relationship.
Have you noticed how most fights are actually abou something rather silly ? You don't reveal the time-scale here, but it sounds like a rather recent tiff, and he is indeed probably still sulking.
Might be best to give him a couple of weeks to cool off ( or warm up ) and then make a simple, friendly, calm, approach, saying you're sorry he was apparently so hurt by a silly row over something so accidental and unintended. You can say you have really missed him, and would be happy to resume the friendship, but that you respect his feeling, and leave it to him.
A humorous card is dodgy, as it can be easily misinterpreted. Especially by such a solemn person without a sense of humour. Maybe send your warm good wishes to the cats ?

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