advertisement
Question
Posted by: Moesha | 2009/09/14

Angry abt porn

I hope I am posting at the right forum?

I feel so hurt and betrayed by the one I love.

This weekend for the third time in our 8 year marriage, I found that my husband looked at hardcore pornography on his computer - he doesn' t know that I know. Now, I don' t have anything against porn, but from the start we said we will use it as a tool to add some spice and we will watch it together. But, for the third time he has gone behind my back and every time after the last he promises by all means that he will never do it again and that he is sorry.

The problem I have with this, is the mere fact that in all the years that we have been together - I have never denied him sex - I LOVE IT, so why would I deny him that. I try and bring some toys, lingerie etc to the bedroom, but still it is obviously not enough for him. We do have very good sexual communication and share fantasies etc. I am a very firm DD cup, and he always assures me that he loves my breasts and tells me he is so glad that it is not fake. But the porn that is on his PC - is all sillicone DD and bigger. I feel betrayed and feel that I can' t trust him anymore. Everytime this happens, I retract from the relationship and become very uphappy - not toward him though - when he wants sex, I still give it to him, but I end up faking it. I have asked him the first time, how he would feel, if he finds out that I have looked at porn of men with HUGE d!cks? He said he will be very angry and probably leave me, but it makes it all ok for him to look at women with HUGE knockers.

He is the one that has a problem with low testosterone, which is only recently being treated, so there were many times when I wanted sex and he couldn' t get it up. I never blamed him or made him feel bad, I supported him all the way. But why is he doing this to me - I actually feel like leaving him. How can I carry on with this terrible feeling that I obviously don' t do it for him. He tells me he is tired and doesn' t want any nookie tonight, but then I found out that he jerked off to his porn. He can' t even bring himself to go to an adult shop, I do most of the shopping there? He doesn' t have an affair, because he doesn' t go out at all - never. Is this fair in a marriage? Am I overreacting? Must I leave him? How can I get over my hurt and betrayal?

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Maybe it wasn't our original intent, but this has become a forum within which porn gets discussed ! DO check out the archives of the forum, for the many previous discussions, which you may find useful. While some couples do find porn usable as a spice for their real relationships, many men are much more shy about it than you may think, and could feel awkward about sharing it, even with someone as close to them as their wife.
His interest in porn has absolutely no significance, usually, in relation to the quality of the sex he has with you or his fondness for you. Just as women read cookbooks without seeing this as an insult to the chef.
But I find usually when porn becomes a major issue within a couple there are other problems within the relationship, and mariage / relationship counselling is highly adviseable to sort things out comprehensively, and then the porn, gets back into proportion.
When you raise the point that he has had erection and testosterone problems, remember that porn can be for such a man, a way to have sexual ideas without any shyness or risk, feeling safe, and without thought of his feelings of inadequacy

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

1
Our users say:
Posted by: Ingrid | 2009/09/14

hi
I' m sorry u feel so crappy about this. its not that nice I can understand.
I would feel the same. perhaps his reasons aren' t as bad as u think? the only way is to talk to him calmly and lay it all out on the table, and try get him to honestly open up to u.i' m sure u guys can work it out somehow. he has to tell u y.he owes u that much.and take it from there.

good luck lady friend

Reply to Ingrid

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement