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Posted by: Moesha | 2009/09/14

Angry abt porn

feel so hurt and betrayed by the one I love.

This weekend for the third time in our 8 year marriage, I found that my husband looked at hardcore pornography on his computer - he doesn' t know that I know. Now, I don' t have anything against porn, but from the start we said we will use it as a tool to add some spice and we will watch it together. But, for the third time he has gone behind my back and every time after the last he promises by all means that he will never do it again and that he is sorry.

The problem I have with this, is the mere fact that in all the years that we have been together - I have never denied him sex - I LOVE IT, so why would I deny him that. I try and bring some toys, lingerie etc to the bedroom, but still it is obviously not enough for him. We do have very good sexual communication and share fantasies etc. I am a very firm DD cup, and he always assures me that he loves my breasts and tells me he is so glad that it is not fake. But the porn that is on his PC - is all sillicone DD and bigger. I feel betrayed and feel that I can' t trust him anymore. Everytime this happens, I retract from the relationship and become very uphappy - not toward him though - when he wants sex, I still give it to him, but I end up faking it. I have asked him the first time, how he would feel, if he finds out that I have looked at porn of men with HUGE d!cks? He said he will be very angry and probably leave me, but it makes it all ok for him to look at women with HUGE knockers.

He is the one that has a problem with low testosterone, which is only recently being treated, so there were many times when I wanted sex and he couldn' t get it up. I never blamed him or made him feel bad, I supported him all the way. But why is he doing this to me - I actually feel like leaving him. How can I carry on with this terrible feeling that I obviously don' t do it for him. He tells me he is tired and doesn' t want any nookie tonight, but then I found out that he jerked off to his porn. He can' t even bring himself to go to an adult shop, I do most of the shopping there? He doesn' t have an affair, because he doesn' t go out at all - never. Is this fair in a marriage? Am I overreacting? Must I leave him? How can I get over my hurt and betrayal?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

i understand your views regarding porn and the ways in which it makes you feel. these views need to be shared with your husband. you need to communicate to him how it makes you feel and why. by doing so, he may either stop or tell you why he does so in the first place. he may even be viewing porn to sure up his sexual self-esteem and manliness or view it in order to provide sexual scripts for your love-making sessions. as such, he may not be desiring other women, nor would he even think of cheating on you, it may simply just be a beneficial sex aid (like a vibrator is for a woman - a vibrator does not replace the husband but does aid in sex with a partner).

however, no sex aid (whether it being a vibrator or porn) should upset the other partner. as such, communication is essential to ensure that both parties are consenting to whichever sex toys are used.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: mjekana | 2009/09/16

Madam with all the respect your worries are very childish....look at it this way, you are wathing desperate housewife and he says - don' t watch unless i am there with you or else o leave you....will you stop.

The truth is this, he will never stop watching porn and that is it, so go ahead and leave him. I am a funcking man and have yet to see a man who hates porn or will stop because his wife does not like. Me watching porn has nothing to do with you and your feelings. I am not thinkin about you and as a matter of fact I AM NOT THINKING AT ALL.

I think that is why we watch porn, it is the single excerise that forces us to enjoy without breaking a sweat or pleasing someone, or impress.

So good luck in ruining your life, and if you breasts are good enough for you well good and by the way MEN don' t care what is fake and what is not, is either you have good boobs or you don' t, and we don' t love you because of them we just

Reply to mjekana
Posted by: kim | 2009/09/14

you must be kidding me! wanting to leave becos your man watches porn??? are you for real? you should be grateful that he' s not out there with other women busy contracting aids to bring it to you. get a life and watch a bit more porn too. if you feel he cheated by not including you, do the same, but to threaten to leave him???stop scratching in his computer too. from a woman whose husband constantly have affairs, trust me, a man watching porn alone, is not nearly as bad as someone busy screwing another woman. everyone is entlitled to masturbating in private, im sure that' s what your man is doing. give him a break and do the same

Reply to kim
Posted by: john | 2009/09/14

You are overreacting and I think you are are just a bit jealous, look at it this way, it is only boobs you are stressing about, and you only stress because you think the girls in the porn have better boobs than you. It is only your perception. Remember most of the time women are to critical about there own bodys. Men just look at porn because it tickle a fancy and feed our lust. It is just good to look at.

Reply to john
Posted by: paul | 2009/09/14

Please grow up. It is obvious that you both are not mature when it comes to watch porn on the internet. So rather leave it if it treathens to break up your marrige

Reply to paul

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