Posted by: Confused Wife | 2009-03-12

Angressive Husband

Please help me doctor to make sense of all this.I am married to a foreigner for 6 yrs now.Life in SA has not been good to him at all and sometimes I can understand his fustrations.He has changed so much over these past few year and not for the good.His attitude to life sucks.He blames all South African for his life,saying that we are ugly people who dont give a damn about the next person.He has become so angry &  aggressive lately I dont know what to do.He fights with everyone is his path ,im not talking physically.He curses &  swears one way.He has even told me how unhappy he is and that he has become regretful of staying with me here in SA cos its just made him unhappy.He says that I cant keep him happy anymore and I always have excuses to make love with him.The problem is his timing is all off.I cant just be jumping in the sacking with him at anytime of the day even when my child is around.I sometimes feel like his is losing his mind...Maybe he already has.I have reached a point where I dread being around him and I have to always watch what I say and tiptoe around him.Please help he to understand him better or try to help him.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

He may indeed have had unhappy and frustrating experiences in SA ( though he may have found things similarly discouraging in his own country in recent years --- and many foreigners are in this country precisely bcause they had grown discouraged with their home country ) ; and many South Africans have similar feelings about the areas of chaos in their country. But he needs to recognize that by taking an embittered and combative approach, he is most probably making things worse for himself, as well as, obviously, you.
While a good couple happen to make each other happy, the relationship has gone sour when the husband assumes it is the wife's primary job to make him happy, and ignores his own duty to help her to be happy. IT sounds as though he is coping really badly with stress, and would benefit from seeing a shrink for an assessment ( there could be a Depression or Anxiety Disorder needing and benefitting from treatment ) and a counsellor, to develop better ways of handling all that is troubling him.

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Our users say:
Posted by: sarah | 2009-03-12

telling him to pack up and go, is easier said than done. I am beginning to think foreign men are like that, feeling sorry for themselves and doing nothing about the situation. I date a foreigner, he has all the right papers to get a job, but does not bother looking for a job. But I think you should make him aware of how he makes you feel. make it clear that you are tired of having him feeling sorry for himself and doing nothing about it. it also wears you down. If he does not change his attitude, then he is just not worth it. how long do you want to live like that???

Reply to sarah
Posted by: Debs | 2009-03-12

You have a life as well !! what about your life and your feelings!! life is not all about your husband!! if he is so unhappy with you in SA then tell him to leave!! you cant spend the rest of your life tip toeing around some guy that is always feeling sorry for himself and angry with where he is in life. Give him an ultimatim - tell him to either go for serious councelling and make some serious changes, or tell him to leave. dont put up with it!! you are worth more and deserve more. relationships are a two way street and yours is definately not! we all have problems, but he needs to catch a serious wake up! or leave!!

Reply to Debs
Posted by: koos | 2009-03-12

buy him a plane ticket and send him to the hole he came from!we don' t need foreign assholes like him here,if its better in he' s own country why don' t he go back.

Reply to koos

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