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Question
Posted by: Milla | 2010/01/25

Anger and Resentment

My husband went to vista for the 3rd time in 3 years. he is diagnose in 1999 with Skitzo affective disorder including acute Paranoia and hallucinations. he is also depressed and suicidal. I must kept my eye on him 24h,

at this very moment I' m struggling with Anger and Resentment towards him.

it feels to me he is only thinking of himself and don’  t think of me and our 2 little ones, (4 and 3 - adopted) I don’  t know how to handle my feelings towards him I just want to snap my fingers and wish he can disappear, he constantly wants to be assured that I still love him and I don’ t want to express any love at this moment, and I know I must support him and re-assure him, he is not getting better and any type of stress triggers a relapse.

What option are there for me? how will I handle him in his later years? he is now 39 was diagnose at 25 - he now uses Serequel 800mg and Serenades 3mg a day. he is on max dose for Serequel... he is not getting better. how much worse can I expected? are there any homes in Gauteng/PTA???

In 2007 I’ ve decided to divorce him but he cried and plead and said he will became a bum or commit suicide etc etc. So against my better judgment I’ ve decided to stay and support him. I feel he is manipulating me with his condition, his doctors said to me he is very intelligent - But is it hard, so emotionally draining to keep him sane..

This stress is causing me to became a different person, I'  m constantly in a bad mood, I snap at anything and anytime, and I don’ t think it is fair towards my children to be exposed to a bitter screaming mom the whole time.. I was also in hospital twice last year with an ulcer.

I know I need to now look at myself because this permanent exposure to this stress and trauma is really starting to affect me. I’ m struggling to live with his constant paranoia, even at work, everyone is out to get him, if he had a bad day then someone was specifically out to make the day difficult for him, he believes everyone are against him, he don’ t trust anyone, we don’ t have any family or friends in a support role. We are now 20 years together married 15.

he also don’ t want my mom to stay with us because she is going to ' come'  between us, but my mom can help me with the children, home etc. She did stay with me for a while but is not living with us anymore, she asks to come live with us again but he refuse. He is very jealous of our ‘ relationship’ 

I’ m tired, I’ m sad, I’ m angered, I just want my husband back and that will never happened.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

All this must be very difficult for you to cope with. With this sort of illness, it becomes increasinsly difficult for the person to even think of themselves usefully or intelligently, let alone to think of you appropriately.
Maybe in reassuring him you can talk more about CARING about him, rather than love, as this you are still doing.
Nationally there is a tragic and disgraceful lack of homes or facilities for people in his sort of situation, or indeed with most sorts of chronic condition. There are probably more facilities for people with AIDS than for people with all other serious conditions added together.
One of the problems of paranoia is that it may start as an over-valued theory you have, but paranoid people tend to behave in ways that induce other people to behave in ways which they can then interpret as evidence that their paranoid ideas are true.
I"m sure you have tried this before, but i is surely important for you to insist on making an appointment to see the psychiatrist in charge of his care, maybe also a social worker if one is involved, and to very frankly explain to them how difficult this all is, and ask them to advise you on your options. To help you and the family is part of their duty to the family and the patient himself. They may know of facilities. They might not know if the meds are not suiting him well at present, and might be able to try a diferent combination. They must recognize that if you withdrew your support from him, he would become entirely their responsibility, and should for this reason, too, be motivated to advise you well

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/25

All this must be very difficult for you to cope with. With this sort of illness, it becomes increasinsly difficult for the person to even think of themselves usefully or intelligently, let alone to think of you appropriately.
Maybe in reassuring him you can talk more about CARING about him, rather than love, as this you are still doing.
Nationally there is a tragic and disgraceful lack of homes or facilities for people in his sort of situation, or indeed with most sorts of chronic condition. There are probably more facilities for people with AIDS than for people with all other serious conditions added together.
One of the problems of paranoia is that it may start as an over-valued theory you have, but paranoid people tend to behave in ways that induce other people to behave in ways which they can then interpret as evidence that their paranoid ideas are true.
I"m sure you have tried this before, but i is surely important for you to insist on making an appointment to see the psychiatrist in charge of his care, maybe also a social worker if one is involved, and to very frankly explain to them how difficult this all is, and ask them to advise you on your options. To help you and the family is part of their duty to the family and the patient himself. They may know of facilities. They might not know if the meds are not suiting him well at present, and might be able to try a diferent combination. They must recognize that if you withdrew your support from him, he would become entirely their responsibility, and should for this reason, too, be motivated to advise you well

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