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Question
Posted by: Anon | 2011/04/15

Anger and Hatred

THe father of my child and I have had an off/on relationship for the past 6 years. I decided to call it quits completely about 6 months ago. I have one area of concern though - when he doesnt talk to me he doesnt talk to the child. Whcih is all fine and well for me but i have told him that this is wrong because our daughter is getting big and she can see that she is being ignored. Last night i just couldnt stop thinking about how much I hate him. He has this cosy life with a car and no responsibilities. I have no car and a sick child. I have to take my daughter to speech therapy - which means i have to take time off from work. Last night she had a severe asthma attack and I was up with her and this morning I still had to come to work. I am exhausted. I will do anything for child and I do, but i just feel for him its easy. He doesnt call and his family doesnt call. I ask myself if something were to happen to myself and my daughter no one will know as they never check up on us. My family is not in the same city and due to financial constraints I am not able to visit them and have a break. Sometimes I have no money for taxi fare then I end up walking to the doctors with my daughter - which is 30minutes away and she happily walks with me (she is 5). He told me the last time we spoke that i shouldnt call him when the child is sick and take a taxi because he is busy yet he drives past my house daily. I get so angry I end up crying because I ask myself why i had a child with this man. I know I shouldnt ask these questions but it hurts me that he can treat his own child this way.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

You have broken up. He has an absolute and inescapable duty to pay maintenance, enforced by a court order, and make certain this happens. he also has an unenforceable moral duty to the child, but some guys are negligent in this aspect. If he doesn't want to see and be loving towards then child, then she's missing nothing if he is absent from her life - he'd be absent wven when preswent, if you see what I mean.
His family have no real obligation to call or be nice, though of course they should do so out of simple human decency. But please stop focussing your life around HIM and them, rather than around your self and your wonderful child.
Clearly, looking back, mit was indeed a big mistake to have a child with this man, but you can't change that - you can only learn what not to do in future.
Maye dure you get a court order forcing him to pay proper maintenance ; and then expect nothing from him or his family, and you won't be disappointed. Move on and find more ways in which to enjoy life with your child, blessedly free from a selfish and uncaring guy

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/04/17

You have broken up. He has an absolute and inescapable duty to pay maintenance, enforced by a court order, and make certain this happens. he also has an unenforceable moral duty to the child, but some guys are negligent in this aspect. If he doesn't want to see and be loving towards then child, then she's missing nothing if he is absent from her life - he'd be absent wven when preswent, if you see what I mean.
His family have no real obligation to call or be nice, though of course they should do so out of simple human decency. But please stop focussing your life around HIM and them, rather than around your self and your wonderful child.
Clearly, looking back, mit was indeed a big mistake to have a child with this man, but you can't change that - you can only learn what not to do in future.
Maye dure you get a court order forcing him to pay proper maintenance ; and then expect nothing from him or his family, and you won't be disappointed. Move on and find more ways in which to enjoy life with your child, blessedly free from a selfish and uncaring guy

Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: b | 2011/04/15

Man don''t care and I know when we type it sounds easy but it is not. My advice get child support and try to forget about him treat this af if he does not exist do not call him wait till he calls and when he does don''t be angry just be very nice to him but do not let him in your bed again that''s the mistake we mothers do

Reply to b
Posted by: ? | 2011/04/15

This comes with the territory of being a parent. You chose to have a child and this is the joy that comes with it. You sound envious of your childs fathers freedom and you do normal parental duties for your child begrudgingly. My parents divorced when I was 8 and my mother took care of me and my 3 sisters without any help. You sound terribly needy and almost like the world and he''s family owe you something. He does owe you maintenance however and maybe you should go the maintenance court, that might relieve a bit of your stress. You can live a happy life with just you and your child.

Reply to ?
Posted by: ? | 2011/04/15

Are u getting maintenance?

Reply to ?
Posted by: action | 2011/04/15

pretend he''s dead to you and get yourself sorted.
you are strong and you can do it!
I know it''s hard, but focus on what''s good about your life and that you have such a beautiful little girl that''s a part of you.
Actually, honey, it''s HIS loss, missing out on you and his own daughter. He is not worth your misery.
And good luck, chin up, smile, be strong

Reply to action

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