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Question
Posted by: H | 2010/01/18

And I' m listening my favourite rock and roll band

Hi CS

I' m writing in English, because I think your Afrikaans is worse than my ability to have and keep good relationships. At least you' ve a better excuse than I have.

What would have happened if I did not marry my pregnant wife 25 years ago? Would my Son have been better or worse of today? I did what I thought was the right thing to do then, and marry his mother, who is a good person, but it just never worked out for us. I have no doubts that if she was not pregnant, our relationship would not have lasted a year.

Easy to say we are different, maybe it is me with my weaknesses who is looking for someone to make me feel better about myself than she was capable of doing, whilst it is ones own responsibility to feel good about yourself.

And now we are parting ways, and my son is angry with his Mother, and with me  he tells me I am -|- ing up the family (for the sake of a slut - of course, after all the years there is a third party involved). And of course, if it wasn' t her, it would have been some one else.

I guess all kids want to see their parents happily together, and not split up. But I kept everything going for the sake of my children, to give them the best I could through all the years, but at the end they cannot see that, all they see is that you are getting divorced.
It' s ironic, for staying in the marriage for so long, it now bites you, your children are grown up and keep it against you -while you actually kept hanging in for their sake all the years.

Anyway, I am rambling on, this will hopefully also pass.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Gee, thanks. Baie dankie!
ne can always, if one chooses, play games of "What If ?" - in one's own life, or in world history. It can be entertaining, but its rarely useful, as we can't go back and take the different road we ignored the first time round. The best we can do is to learn from what may have been errors in the past, and make better decisions in the present and the future.
And all of us, maybe especially when younger, believe everything bad that happens must be a specific someone's fault - it's harder to recognize that sometimes bad things happen even when good people are doing the best they can and where nobody intends anything to go wrong.
If you wait a bit longer, despite turbulence over your decision to divorce and re-start - I suspect that when your children themselves mary, and just start to notice how hard it is even with the best intentions in the world, they may ome to understand your situation better. Just as when they have chilren of their own, they'll appareciate how difficult it was for you both

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/19

Gee, thanks. Baie dankie!
ne can always, if one chooses, play games of "What If ?" - in one's own life, or in world history. It can be entertaining, but its rarely useful, as we can't go back and take the different road we ignored the first time round. The best we can do is to learn from what may have been errors in the past, and make better decisions in the present and the future.
And all of us, maybe especially when younger, believe everything bad that happens must be a specific someone's fault - it's harder to recognize that sometimes bad things happen even when good people are doing the best they can and where nobody intends anything to go wrong.
If you wait a bit longer, despite turbulence over your decision to divorce and re-start - I suspect that when your children themselves mary, and just start to notice how hard it is even with the best intentions in the world, they may ome to understand your situation better. Just as when they have chilren of their own, they'll appareciate how difficult it was for you both

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