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Question
Posted by: JANE | 2010-02-17

ANAL TECHNIQUE

Doc,

What are the best techniques in anal penetration. my husband has tried before , but even his finger really hurts me. Is it normal to feel painful as we do use lubrication .
Do I need to first use something to loosen myself before allowing him to penetrate me ?



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Our expert says:
Expert ImageSexologist

ane anal play takes A LOT of Practice and trust. Step one is lubrication...too much lubrication is ALMOST enough – remember that. Second it needs to be taken REAL slow. Any pain will cause a spasm of the anus and from there its over for the rest of the day at least. NBNBNB are his finger nails really really short????? its mandatory

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Our users say:
Posted by: Love it | 2010-02-19

Hi M. I agree with you completely. Anal is one of THE most intimate physical contacts one can have and BOTH must be very relaxed with the idea. Anyone submitting to anal REALLY loves their partner, make no mistake.Your partner should be sensitive enough to see any reluctance to participate in a particular sexual practice and back off. Never submit to anything you don''t like

Reply to Love it
Posted by: Biguy | 2010-02-19

Hey there Love It
Thanks for your kind words. If it puts your mind to rest, your experience of not being able to make a post has nothing to do with the content etc. I' ve also had a lot of " input error"  experiences on different pages on this site. On some occasions, I suspect that it' s because of the length of my post (I tend to post encyclopedias lol), but on others, I suspect that there were either issues on this site or with my connection.
Have a good one!

Reply to Biguy
Posted by: M | 2010-02-18

There seems to be this belief around these days that everyone is having anal sex and that there' s something wrong with you if you don' t want to do it. As far as I am concerned if you don' t want to do something but your partner keeps insisting on it he clearly doesn' t respect you enough to consider your feelings. If you asked him to do soemthing you really wanted to do that you thought was perfectly normal &  fine but was reprehensible to him (and the rest of the world) (eg incest or whatever) would he do it? Should he do it?
Surely the whole point of sex is that it should be pleasurable for both parties? So why force yourself to do something you clearly don' t really want to do and that hurts you???

Reply to M
Posted by: Love it. | 2010-02-18

To Bigguy, that was an excellent rendition for anyone wanting to try it. I' m not gay but enjoy anal with my wife,as does she and the info regards relaxing, lube etc is spot on. I attempted to explain these techniques yesterday, but my input was continually returned by Admin (?) with the message, " Your input has not been validated, try again later"  I thought it was because my descriptions were graphic as were yours, but apparently this was not the case. Nice one

Reply to Love it.
Posted by: Biguy | 2010-02-17

I hope that my post/presence doesn' t offend anyone. This isn' t an " I' m here. I' m queer"  moment, but I thought that I' d jump in and respond to this post in light of coming from a place where I' ve topped and bottomed with a guy, so I' ve experienced things from both sides of the coin. Within the gay/bi realm, its fairly common for guys to prefer for experience bottoming for the first time with someone that' s " versatile"  because of the experience of being on the receiving end of things.

This may be long and it may come across to be a porn script, but I assure you that this post is written with the greatest of respect - I just feel that it may be best to talk you through it.

Grotty as it may sound, but I' m going to start right from the beginning. I' m unsure of what your comfort level is with your hubby, but if you' re concerned about there being an accident, then it can be a contributor towards your pain. Or else you may have opted to prepare beforehand with the use of an enema. If the latter is the case, I' d encourage you not to do so. The colon has a mucous lining as well as flora that assists with digestion and bowel movements. Using an enema is very invasive and stands to upset things quite significantly for you.

There are two other options. The first is less invasive and it would be douche - something like a bell syringe works well because it doesn' t hold much water and because you can control the strength of the flow of water. It' s also best to use distilled water to douche. (In the instance of doing so outside of a committed relationship or you' ve both been tested, it' s recommended to douche about three hours before having sex so that " things can settle down" , otherwise it increases the risk of infection. (The same applies to brushing your teeth before performing oral sex on someone). The second option (I tend to combine both of them) would be to include high fibre and bananas into your diet. High fibre assists your digestion and bananas are soluble fibre which binds things well and leaves little residue behind in your colon.

The anus has a first and second sphincter muscle - there are millions of nerve endings attached to them which is how one derives pleasure from anal sex (although men have the prostate as well). If you are tense, these muscles clamp shut and it leads to a lot of pain when penetration takes place. The first key is relaxation, lots of lube and LOTS of patience. In your situation, dimmed lights/candles and music playing softly may help you to relax even more.

Hubby can start off by lubing his index finger and your anus and proceed to gently caress it. He ought to detect when your sphincter is relaxed and he can then move onto adding a bit more stimulation and eventually to slowly penetrate you. By penetrating, I do not mean that he just pushes his finger in, but that he massages, gently inserts the tip of his finger, massages some more, inserts his finger a bit more and to continue in this method until his finger is inserted in you. Things become much easier once you' ve grown accustomed to his first finger. It will be wise to then have a similar approach until a second finger is inserted, and possibly a third. This may not happen overnight. I was once in a situation where the guy that I was with had never bottomed for someone and the approach that I' ve mentioned spanned over two evenings before I was able to identify that he was ready for us to make love.

When it comes to positions, it' s pretty hard to say because it varies from person to person. In my case, regardless of size, I find the rear position to be very painful. Some recommend that when it' s ones first time, then it' s best to straddle him because you' re able to take things at your own time and you can control the depth of penetration. The position that worked wonders for me when I was still new, was to lie on my stomach on the bed with my right knee bent and slightly higher than my hip and for my left leg to be straight. I' m unsure if it has something to do with alignment, but in all of my experiences (and regardless of size) the tends to penetrate me much easier and it' s virtually pain free...although I cannot guarantee that there won' t be any pain.

It may help for hubby to have a similar approach to that of his finger. To start off by massaging your sphincter with his glans and when he senses that you' re relaxed, to slowly penetrate you. Something that helps during penetration is for you to push outwards (almost like when you poo). The sphincter is " wired"  to discharge and by imitating that action it tends to open up more easily. I' d advise that he slowly penetrates until his glans is inside of you, to give you a bit of time to get used to him so that you can relax for further penetration.

NOTE: If you are in a lot of pain, the expected reaction would be for the person to withdraw immediately. I recommend that you don' t. The reason being that the pain will cause your sphincter to clamp down onto him and if he withdraws it will inflict even more pain. The best thing to do is to make him stop. Wait until you' ve recovered and composed yourself. And once your sphincter has relaxed, you can then decide if he would like for him to withdraw or if you' d like for him to try penetrating you a little bit more.

All of the very best!

Reply to Biguy
Posted by: Susan | 2010-02-17

First of all you have to relax, of course it will be sore if you tighten all up! Secondly I found when I' m lying on my back with my husband on top penetrating the best position for anal. Thirdly lots and lots of lube and ask him to take it easy, little bits at a time! Good luck! I love anal, I can' t believe most people won' t even try it!

Reply to Susan
Posted by: Lady man | 2010-02-17

Anon I agree 100% with you. If my lady ask me this, she will be out of my place faster than she can take a breath.

Reply to Lady man
Posted by: XXX | 2010-02-17

Gently/lubrication/relaxed and comfortable position are the key ingredients

Reply to XXX
Posted by: anon | 2010-02-17

Of cause it will hurt. It is not a place to penetrate!

Reply to anon

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