Our expert says:
Learning to relax this sphincter can take time, so if you are keen to try this, try try again, but be patient with yourself...and if you don't ever feel comfortable with it, try other types of sexual activity. It may be that the idea of anal sex is in fact what is stimulating (to you or your partner), and so if this is the case, possibly try having him masturbate around your anus or clamp his penis between the cheeks of your bottom to provide the friction - whilst it's not quite anal sex, it may be exciting and a reasonable compromise if you struggle to relax enough to reduce pain.
If you would like to try, here are some tips...
- make sure you can trust your partner and that he will move only at the pace you are comfortable with (try different positions and see what works best for you), speak clearly and agree that he will stop when you tell him to (that he won't thrust when you're not ready for him to move!);
- use kegels exercises (tensing and relaxing the band of muscles that surround the openings to your urethra, vagina and anus) can assist you to know when those muscles are relaxed, concentrate on relaxing your anus;
- use PLENTY of lubricant (the anus is not self-lubricating and as it is thin and tear easily, lubricant is essential);
- try to get used to the feel first with smaller objects than a penis (e.g. finger) and gradually move on to seeing if you can relax with his penis inside...move slowly. If you use objects, make sure it's not sharp, cannot break, or the bottom of the object is flared so that it can't be lost inside the anus.
Claire - SASHA
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