Our expert says:
There are no good reasons for cheating or deceiving a spouse on the scale you seem to be describing. This situation is likely to end being unhappy for all involved. You are married and havin an affair with a man who remains devoted to another woman, to whom he is being unfaithful, too. An affair such as you apparently imagined, in which "nobody gets hurt" is exceedingly rare. Usually, this belief is a comforting fantasy, enabling the cheating to take place more comfortably.
How can you be so certain that the affair WON'T come out ?
Now, on your more specific question - why wouldn't he be content to have his cake and eat it, as one might say ? He has a gf, a child he enjoyrs pretending is his, AND a married mistress who is presumably also enjoyable for him. Why would he want to change this situation ?
If you no longer love your husband, either get into marriage counselling to try to sort this out, or see a lawyer and arrange a divorce. Failing to divorce, but claiming some right to be unfaithful, is in a sense expecting your unfortunately unloved husband to pay for or at least part-sponsor your affair. It makes plenty of sense from his point of view.
Its not at all clear what you are expecting or wishing for - what do you want this guy to do, or indeed what do you want your husband to do ?
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