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Question
Posted by: sally | 2010/08/13

AN AFFAIR

PLEASE HELP, I AM MARRIED FOR 10 YEARS AND HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH THE LOVE OF MY LIFE FOR THE PAST 8 YRS, WE GO INVOLVED AFTER SCHOOL AND MY PARENTS DID NOT LIKE HIS FAMILY SO WE BROKE UP, BUT SOON AFTER I GOT MARRIED WE GOT BACK TOGETHER, I HAVE 2 KIDS AND I LOVE THEM VERY MUCH, I HAVE A WONDERFUL HUSBAND BUT GOT MARRIED ON A REBOUND, PLEASE HELP ME, THIS OTHER GUY IS ALSO MARRIED WITH 2 KIDS WE TRIED BREAKING IT OFF BUT IT NEVER HAPPENS .. I AM LIVING A LIE AND WISH I COUL DDO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Am I understading you correctly - you married someone you did not love, because your parents didn't like the guy you really did love, and soon after the marriage, you resumed an adulerous affair with your original love, thus cheating on your husband and apparebntly also cheating on his wife ? This sounds like a situation likely to make at least 4 people very unhappy.
You are right to recognize that this is not a wholesome arrangement, and to want to do something about it. You could choose to end the cheating, though I understand that you don't WANT to do so ( in life we often have to do something we don't want, because it is right to do so. )
Maybe you need to see an individual counsellor to understand your situation better and plan a response that is fair to the two apparently entirely innocent spouses and their children, who could be so hurt by this. And as I'm sure you recognize, such a relationship can't be kept secret forever, and often becomes known when you least expect it.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Just Me | 2010/08/16

It is quite easy ... who do you love the most? Your lover, your kids or your husband? If you don''t break it off with your lover you will most definitely eventually lose your kids and your husband. Is that ok with you? And sooner or later it will come out and your husband and your kids will make that choice FOR you. You are VERY lucky that you got away with it for so long! However, I suggest you decide now who you love the most and then give your all to focus on those relationships. Or else someone else may make that decision for you.

However, if i were your husband and I found out that you were having an affair for 80% of the marriage I will definitely not give you a second chance. Clearly your kids and your husband is not that important to you - else you would not risk their happiness for so long.

Sadly you are a very selfish person. This is all about YOU, what is good for YOU and what YOU want and what YOU can and cannot/will not do. Maybe try thinking about what is right and best for your husband, your kids, the other wife and the other kids and then decide what is the right thing to do.

Reply to Just Me
Posted by: To: Understand :-) | 2010/08/16

Some beautiful advice understand. The world can do with more open minded people like you :-)

Reply to To: Understand :-)
Posted by: KLASFAAKIE | 2010/08/15

DAM THATS SOME DEEP SHIT

Reply to KLASFAAKIE
Posted by: Beth | 2010/08/14

isten u can leave him..I left the one guy I truly loved to b with my wonderful husband and everytime I wanted to go back to him I always thought of how lucky i am to b blessed with this great man and why wud i want to hurt him...so love ur husband and trust me if u leave him to b with " ur love" things r going to change btw the two of u...and what about the poor kids...

Reply to Beth
Posted by: sally | 2010/08/14

thanks again for the advice, i wish i could so easly take my kids and start a new life with my love, but hwo can I i would rather sacrifice all that happiness to please my family....... i lvoe my kids ore than anythign i nthe world.. their smiles just brightens up my life.........
will GOD punish me for this? will he ever forgive me?

Reply to sally
Posted by: TLB | 2010/08/14

NO!! Then you have to stop this. You have made the choice in your mind. I do not agree with your reasons though - you already feel you are doing wrong. Also, THINGS CHANGE, life is not as simple as making the decision to stay no matter what. If you do that, BRILLIANT and I applaud you... but then do it properly. It will be worse when you get caught - and you will.

You are stronger than this and can make a choice - you can - either way! Remember... you may need too be selfish in this. Make a decision - do you want to be happy or dont you? Dont you think you deserve happiness??? I do xx

Reply to TLB
Posted by: sally | 2010/08/13

thanks for the advice, i cannot leave my husband because of our children, he is a wonderful man also and my beliefs of staying in a marriage n omatter what also plays a part, i am totally depressed because i am leading 2 lives. The people we are gona hurt are wonderful people, my lovers wife is also wonderful but we tried over 1000 times to stop this and cant. We are both religious beings and we condemn our actions but cannot stay away from each other. We share a very special bond and it felt incomplete because we never married each other.... i so wish i could stop this ..... thanks for the support

Reply to sally
Posted by: Understand | 2010/08/13

Hi - I understand where you are, however, you WILL have to make a choice. I am surprised that you have not become depressed because this is such an explosive situation that has been going on for an unbelievably long time without it becoming known!

I had an affair 7 years into my marriage and it was so so hard to make that decision. However, at the height of my love for the person I thought the love of my life, I broke up with him. I did not want to become a divorce statistic and I did not want to hurt my children.

My husband took me back after 5 attempts to break it off with the other man and the process from there was long. BUT, I had made that decision and decided to stick to it. It took TWO YEARS to get over any feelings for the other guy, but it was worth it.

My husband and I, however, got divorced 10 yeas later (after the affair) but for COMPLETELY COMPLETELY different reasons.

But, if you do not CATEGORICALLY love your husband, I cannot imagine why you are remaining in the marriage. Your children will evetually leave home, you will have lost out on a large portion of your life in terms of some of your best years. Please, do not misunderstand me, I do not condone divorce and personally cant wait to be married again, but I want to have the best life I possibly can.

Getting divorced is very very selfish and many of your friends will judge you. Your children may also be angry, but you need to live your life and be happy. Remember you only have one life.

GOOD LUCK xx

Reply to Understand
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/08/13

Am I understading you correctly - you married someone you did not love, because your parents didn't like the guy you really did love, and soon after the marriage, you resumed an adulerous affair with your original love, thus cheating on your husband and apparebntly also cheating on his wife ? This sounds like a situation likely to make at least 4 people very unhappy.
You are right to recognize that this is not a wholesome arrangement, and to want to do something about it. You could choose to end the cheating, though I understand that you don't WANT to do so ( in life we often have to do something we don't want, because it is right to do so. )
Maybe you need to see an individual counsellor to understand your situation better and plan a response that is fair to the two apparently entirely innocent spouses and their children, who could be so hurt by this. And as I'm sure you recognize, such a relationship can't be kept secret forever, and often becomes known when you least expect it.

Reply to cybershrink

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