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Question
Posted by: Liezel | 2010/09/02

am loosing my marbles

Hi CS

I lost my bf to cancer a few years back - i thought i was going to die - he wasn''t working due to his illness and was limping and i didn''t care, i wanted him alive and then he passed on! I''ve been in a relationship for about 18 months with this guy and he''s not well off, temporary jobs. He is not from this province and now he needs to go back home because he''s been out of work for some time and his family is offering him an opportunity to go and do a course that might help him get a job - not guaranteed that he''ll get a job, given the unemployment rate in this country.

I am happy for him but my heart just sank... i feel like i''m loosing him (which isn''t the case) but i wonder that if i let him stay " maybe with me"  what good will it bring...Am i being selfish or do i not want to loose yet another boyfriend but in a different way this time! we are both in our thirties. He doesn''t contribute financially to our relationship which is frustrating at times but i''m fond of him...

what should i do?, i am so depressed!

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

NOT losing your marbles, maybe overlooking a few of them, temporarily. Sounds like his trip home would benefit him, but at least temporarily lose you the prosimity of a good friend. YOu're not being selfish ( though you might be if you INSISTED he give up this chance ) - but you are understandably seeing things from your own point of view - AND his, which makes it uncomfortable. This will be inconvenient, but not a permanent loss - though, because of the earlier greater loss, it probably feels that way. Talk it through with him, and make plans to stay in contact, and to re-evaluate your prospects when he has finished the course

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Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/02

NOT losing your marbles, maybe overlooking a few of them, temporarily. Sounds like his trip home would benefit him, but at least temporarily lose you the prosimity of a good friend. YOu're not being selfish ( though you might be if you INSISTED he give up this chance ) - but you are understandably seeing things from your own point of view - AND his, which makes it uncomfortable. This will be inconvenient, but not a permanent loss - though, because of the earlier greater loss, it probably feels that way. Talk it through with him, and make plans to stay in contact, and to re-evaluate your prospects when he has finished the course

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