Posted by: Me | 2012-11-26

Am I wrong?

Is it wrong of me to be upset if........ My husband tells me he want''s to go watch the Rugby at a bar, started 16h30, I knew the game would be over by 18h30 and I also knew he would want to have a couple of drink after the game so I though 20h00 would be a good time to expect him home. I didn''t tell him when I would like him to be home but I expected him to have the courtesy to let me know if he decided to stay a bit longer. By 20h30 he eventually sends me a message telling me that my brother and him are having a great time and will be staying longer, I asked him to please finish up and come home (surely he''s had ample time to enjoy he''s outing). He message''s me back " don''t worry, no-one will touch your brother, I will fight with him" ..... I pick-up the phone and tell him to please come home now, my brother''s wife and small baby was also waiting to go home.

Eventually they arrive by 22h00, they could barely walk.... my brother almost made it to the couch but are unable to speak and my husband continuously keep on telling me and my sister in-law how it''s he''s fault that they only came home now and he (my husband) wanted to stay and they kept on drinking etc etc, he''s also got this nasty habit of teasing me in front of everybody in situations like the where I think he feels trapped.

So am I being silly or should I just always turn a bling eye and make as if this doesn''t bother me?

He''s doesn''t do this on a regular basis, but what p''s me off is that when he do this he does is delibirately and enjoy''s the effect it has on me when he comes home, he''s always the instigator.

I should also mentioned that we DO NOT have the budget for him or me for that matter to go out and spend on alcohol, so it''s as if he overdo this when he does get a chance.

I hate this feeling I have of not knowing if i''m right or wrong but it''s just doesn''t feel right to me...

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

He can't watch rugby at home ? If not, then its the bar and the boozy pals that are the attraction, and the rugby is the excuse.
From what you say, though, the brother is also neglecting his own wife and child, leaving them with you. And how do they get home, legless and unable to stand ? Are they not drunk-driving, and thus a serious danger to their own lives and that of innocent strangers ? I wonder if the police could be encouraged to take an interest in such a pattern of behaviour and to stop and breathalyze them and charge them with drunken driving ?
Of course what they are doing is wrong and highly juvenile and irresponsible, and there's nothing wrong with you for disapproving.
These are not married men, they are large children, playing together. Its not just rude, its dangerous.
Of course, as Milla says, its not worth ever discussing with him unless he is sober.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Milla | 2012-11-26

Do you discuss this with him when he''s sober?

I don''t think your wrong for being upset, they inconvienced you and your sister-in-law, made you worry and then you had to deal with drunken childishness when they finally showed up too. I think after a few drinks people stop caring about whether their actions are inconsiderate and stupid, perhaps point that out to him while he''s sober an capable of understanding.

Next time make sure your arrangements are clear and agreed upon BEFORE they leave. Ask when you can expect him back and phone/sms him a few minutes prior to that time with a friendly reminder that it''s getting late as sometimes people really do just lose track of time.

If he keeps ons doing it, you should sit down with him when he''s sober and ask him if he understands why you find his behavior irresponsible and disrespectful towards you. If he''s a reasonable person he will see it in. I''ve gotten my fiancee to a point where he seems to think before ordering another drink.

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