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Question
Posted by: joie d vivre | 2010/11/10

am i wrong

my mother in law wants to phone and chat about " stuff" , i find her calls quite annoying so have resorted to ignoring her calls and answering once a week which is a frequency i''m more comfortable with. When i dont pick up she gets her husband to call then ''tells on me"  on my husband and basically tries to force me to talk to her even though I''ve clearly shown I dont want to. I dont dislike her but I just cant handle her constant need for my atttention, this has been going on for 6months and she refuses to let go and understand that I''d appreciate less contact. I wish I could just tell her but when I tried to say I didnt want anyone over after the birth of my baby she cried and had her husband call leaving my husband and I in a position where we could say no. I feel like she''ll use these tactics again to get what she wants, how do
I address this?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

This question does indeed sound familiar - are you sure you haven't posted about this before ? If not, check the archives as there has surely been a closely similar question not long ago.
Answering gossippy phone calls is NOT compulsory. Your husband needs to wake up and explain the facts of life to her - what deludes her into thinking that her calls are so vitally important that they must be a number one priority for you ? Just because she apparently has nothing better to do, doesn't mean you haven't. Let her call her husband and son, instead. If they don't fancy tat, why should they assume you must carry that burden ?
Emphasize that you'd LIKE a once-a-week call from her, at a time that suits you both, when you will have the time to listen and enjoy the call, rather than multiple calls where you won't be able to concentrate properly.
And your husband also should try to find other ways for his mother to keep occupied. Get her involved in charitable work and hobbies so she has les spare time on her hands

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2
Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2010/11/10

Haven''t you posted about this before? Your husband really needs to take responsibility for this issue and sort it out as it his his mom.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/11/10

This question does indeed sound familiar - are you sure you haven't posted about this before ? If not, check the archives as there has surely been a closely similar question not long ago.
Answering gossippy phone calls is NOT compulsory. Your husband needs to wake up and explain the facts of life to her - what deludes her into thinking that her calls are so vitally important that they must be a number one priority for you ? Just because she apparently has nothing better to do, doesn't mean you haven't. Let her call her husband and son, instead. If they don't fancy tat, why should they assume you must carry that burden ?
Emphasize that you'd LIKE a once-a-week call from her, at a time that suits you both, when you will have the time to listen and enjoy the call, rather than multiple calls where you won't be able to concentrate properly.
And your husband also should try to find other ways for his mother to keep occupied. Get her involved in charitable work and hobbies so she has les spare time on her hands

Reply to cybershrink

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