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Question
Posted by: Sad | 2009-06-29

Am I wasting my time

I feel abit sad today.
Well guy probs, I do not know where to start.
You see I' ve been with him for 2 yrs now and in the beginning I thought he would change.
I know you cant change a guy but I mean on a different level.
I don' t think he was very used to women and therefore I thought that if I show him how and what I would like him to do for me and treat me and also with just common decency in mind and mutual respect that over time he could transform from his rough ways.

Anyways 2yrs o and I can say that he has changed abit for the good but their are still ways that I today am not totally sure that he could change or perhaps does not want to.
He says he loves me and I do love him, we have spoken about marriage too.

I was thinking that perhaps if we married then he would change lol, don' t ask me why.
The problem is that I think he does not treat me with enough respect.
He will not show me any affection when in public or around his friends.
He will not even hold me hand!or even a peck on the cheek.
Which makes me feel like crap.Then I watch all the other couples. those guys have no problem with showing some affection and you can see it in their actions.
He walks ahead of me, will not open the door for me, not that I can' t do it for myself but still. He rushes me, will not watch anything with me if he dsnt like it although I do things with him that I don' t really enjoy but because he does I will.
He puts the phone down before I even said good-bye esp. if his friends are with him.
As soon as we get into the car and friends are gone then he wants a kiss, then I must hold his hand, asks for hugs, tells me he loves me etc

I can' t take it anymore and its kind of making me feel ill.Like sick to my tummy.
Do I just carry on, am I being too emotional.
I can' t expect all those things now after we' ve been together for so long and I haven' t insisted on it before can I.Why should I ask for this, a real man should know this not so.
His friends aren' t afraid of being like this in front of him why does he push me away when they around

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

It is never wise to begin a relationship with someone based on the assumption that they will change. Unless the relationship will be really satisfying with both of you just as you are, its probably not a good idea. We wouldn't start a relationship by assuming that the other person will have major surgery on their legs to shorten them so as to match our height, and expecting some similarly drastic psychological revision is equally unrealistic.
Absolutely NEVER think that marriage will somehow magically transform someone --- it only increases the likelihood that they will stay just as they are, only more so.
You're not being "too emotional;" but far too unrealistic. This is how he is, and that includes apparently being selfish, clumsy, and inconsiderate, at least. See a personal counsellor to help you to feel more self-confident, better able to reiew this situation realistically, and more able to make sensible decisions about your future. Surely you deserve more than this ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Tulip | 2009-06-29

Talking of a past experience...this sounds very familiar. I had a boyfriend who displayed similar behaviour in front of other people. When we were not with them he would be very affectionate, but with them, he would not show me affection at all even though his friends were not like that. It turned out that he was having an affair with his friend' s wife. I didnt see it coming at all. Please dont assume the worst..but the situation does sound alike, make sure he is not cheating. Be Strong. I hope this is not the case.

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