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Question
Posted by: nn | 2010/01/11

Am i stupid to forgive him?????

I have been dating a guy for 4 months. He is recently divorced –  6 months ago the divorce wnet through. His ex wife cheated on him a few times with the same guy. And now every single day she phones him and emails him begging him to take her back. He does not want her back. 3 days before xmas he was having a braai at his house and his ex came to visit. The two of them had a couple of drinks and she asked him to come over to her house to fix her door and when he got there, she took advantage of the situation and slept with him. He did not tell me about it until last week his ex phoned me and told me all about it. He said it meant nothing to him and he did not want me to find out because he knew it would hurt me. He said he was drunk and it really meant nothing to him. So I broke up with him and he keeps on phoning me and texting me saying that he is sorry and he misses me and so on. In a way I am angry at him and his ex because she wants him back and took advantage of him. So both of them are to blame. She will stop at nothing to get him back and she is so desperate to have him back. At first I was angry and hurt. But now –  4 days later –  I am no longer angry. I really do miss him and I am willing to give hi another chance –  with conditions though. In my heart I just feel that I want to be with him and give him another chance. If he does it again –  then I will walk out the door for good. Any advise????

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

What you are describing is a guy who is still a really long way from having sorted out and settled his divorce o ended that relationship, and this is far too early for him to be getting seriously involved with someone else, like you.
So now she is still pestering him, and he is pestering you !
You now feel like giving him another chance - but what real reason do you have for thinking anything has really chnged ?

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Plz | 2010/01/13

Leave the guy, he has lots of buggage...I mean real, what was the ex doing at his place in the first place, i would habe thought u should have been at that braai not the ex!!

So now, how is this gonna work? evertime he has a drink he would sleep with an ex and blame it on alcohol? are u going to be with him all the time when he is drunk to monitor that he doesnt go dirty with the ex????

Too much heartache to come here, just walk away now.

Reply to Plz
Posted by: Sam | 2010/01/12

Lame excuse! Let him sort himself out first.

Reply to Sam
Posted by: qwerty | 2010/01/12

It' s never stupid to forgive someone - forgiveness is about letting go of your anger, and it benefits you more than the person you' re forgiving. The question is should you trust him again. And trust is something that has to be earned, so if you do want to give him another chance, he has to take the time to show you he can be trusted. That said, I don' t know if I would trust someone again that accidently falls into bed with his ex the minute he has a few drinks... And what was he doing getting drunk with her in the first place??
I would have serious issues with my partner spending any sort of time with an ex.......

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: Paul | 2010/01/11

She took advantage of the situation and slept with him? Is he lame?

Reply to Paul
Posted by: LIz | 2010/01/11

If you still love the guy, do not dump him otherwise you' ll be doing the same thing as his ex as you' ll still have feelings for him.

Reply to LIz
Posted by: informed | 2010/01/11

I have seen one too many people in your situation , the truth is most of the time the husbands ended up back with their wives.
Your relationship is still new , you need to let it go and be with some with less baggage or with baggage but more settled.

Reply to informed
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/01/11

What you are describing is a guy who is still a really long way from having sorted out and settled his divorce o ended that relationship, and this is far too early for him to be getting seriously involved with someone else, like you.
So now she is still pestering him, and he is pestering you !
You now feel like giving him another chance - but what real reason do you have for thinking anything has really chnged ?

Reply to cybershrink

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