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Question
Posted by: JUSTINE | 2011/07/14

AM I SELFISH

HI DOC
IM DATING A DIVORCEE AND WE HAVE BEEN IN A REALTIONSHIP FOR 3 MONTHS NOW, EVERYTHING IS FINE EXPECT THE FACT HE CHATS TO HIS WIFE ON BLACKBERRY MESSENGER SHE SUGGESTED HE TAKE HER OFF BUT TELLS ME HE WANTS HER ON INCASE THERE IS AN EMERGENCY ABOUT THE KIDS, YESTERDAY I TOLD HIM I FEEL IT IS BOTHERING ME TOO MUCH CAN HE DELETE HER HE TOLD ME IM IRRATIONAL AND POSSESSIVE ! AM I WRONG ?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

If he still feels the ned to CHAT to his ex, then she isn't Ex enough for him to have an honest relationship with any other woman. Of course they need to be ablem to contact each other if there are SERIOUS problems involving their children, but that doesn't require social chats.
So there's no need for him to delete her contact details ( though they COULD of course contact each other by simple phone calls ! ) - demanding that is excessive - surely the isue is, rather, how often he contacts her, and what tsuch contacts are about.

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Our users say:
Posted by: justine | 2011/07/18

to the post by divorced dad i am in no way laying down any laws this is website for people who need advice unless you have been through it i feel you shouldnt judge yes you may your opinion but try be more tactful in your answers... we all human and we all deal with things differently hence my question to the doctor.

Reply to justine
Posted by: Klara | 2011/07/15

I wouldn''t say you are being selfish, I would say you are being insecure. Be grateful that he is honest and you know he is talking to the ex on BBM- if he deletes her at your request then he will just continue to talk to her via SMS, Facebook, whatever and he WON''T tell you because of how you''ve reacted on this. That will be way worse.

Reply to Klara
Posted by: Divorced Dad | 2011/07/14

Yes you are selfish, irrational and possesive.
3 months is far too early 2 b laying down the law.
If i was him i would run a mile and u should reconsider only dating men without kids because of yr personality issues!

Reply to Divorced Dad
Posted by: LP | 2011/07/14

I agree with Realist - they need to be in contact re the kids, but obviosuly not chat all the time, like he says: in case of emergencies. But asking him to delete her as a contatc is a bit unrealistic and ridiculous.

Reply to LP
Posted by: Realist | 2011/07/14

Unfortunately where kids are involved in a relationship they do occupy a special place in their parents lives and will always have to be considered. What can be irritating is where there is this constant chatting between the two parties and you ending up as a thrid wheel. It may be better for you, if you find you cannot handle the constant communication, is to rather look for someone more suitable, ie without attachments as this current arrangement will not go away.

Reply to Realist
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/07/14

If he still feels the ned to CHAT to his ex, then she isn't Ex enough for him to have an honest relationship with any other woman. Of course they need to be ablem to contact each other if there are SERIOUS problems involving their children, but that doesn't require social chats.
So there's no need for him to delete her contact details ( though they COULD of course contact each other by simple phone calls ! ) - demanding that is excessive - surely the isue is, rather, how often he contacts her, and what tsuch contacts are about.

Reply to cybershrink

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