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Question
Posted by: Minty | 2010-08-02

Am I selfish

I am pregnant with triplets and have decided that I don''t want people visiting me in the future because they are curious to see what I look like. I was just talking to my gran and I told her that my aunt, who never calls me or visits me, said she will come in summer to visit me. She will most probably come with her daughter. Her daughter comes to Johannesburg often but has never visited me or even called me. I even send her daughter b''day gifts and she won''t even bother saying thanks. I said to gran I don''t know why they want to visit me. Gran said because they curious to see what I look like.

I don''t want anyone to visit me because they want to see how huge I am. I also don''t want people visit when I take the babies home after their birth. My gran said I can''t stop anyone from visiting.

But I feel that my babies need to be protected from germs as they will be born premature. People can wait to see the babies when they are a bit older. My gran said I am very selfish.

I honestly don''t care anymore about what other people think of me. Life is all about me, my hubby, child and my babies. If I am not up to having visitors, then tough. I don''t want to be inconvenienced. I want people to visit when I am confortable and have gotten the hang of caring for 3 babies. Is this too much from my side?

Am I selfish? I have been told that I think of only of my self. but if one of my babies gets sick, I am the one who will be taking care of them, not the visitor who spread the germs in the first place.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Its a shame, isn't it that so many people are just plain nosy, rather than havin any genuine desire to help others. Tell your aunt and her daughter that as they have never previously shown any interest in viiting and seeing you, there's no need for them to start now ; and anyway you will be too busy attending to yourself and your pregnancy to be able to spend time entertaining them.
Your gran is WRONG - you can stop ANYONE from visiting any time you want to - it is your home and you are the boss. And if people insist on visiting against your wishes, you can call the police to remove them.
I entirely agree with your views which would indeed be best for you and for the children. You're not in the least selfish. If anyone genuinely cares about you, they would want to isit only if and when it suited and benefitted YOU, not their idle curiosity. If they want to look at something strange, they should rather look in the mirror.

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: qwerty | 2010-08-03

Maybe you should make a general rule - NO visitors for the first how ever long you decide. (month, 2 months, whatever)

Then stick to your guns, and tell everyone the same thing. (You can obviously decide whether your mother counts as a " visitor" , or if it would be genuinely helpful to have her there initially) But as it is YOUR house and YOUR babies, YOU have the final say.

Once your babies are a little older / stronger, and you''re coping with everything, you can start allowing people to see the babies. And if your mother loves inviting people so much, why not have her invite the family over to HER house? She can cook and splash out to her heart''s content without it costing you anything, and you can show up with the babies. Once everyone has seen them, you can sneak back home.

You have every right to demand a little dignity, and not to allow others to treat you like a " circus freak" . If those people really DO care, and aren''t just acting, they''ll respect your wished and fall in with what is convenient for YOU.

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: Minty | 2010-08-03

Thank you all. It just hurt to be told that I am a very selfish person and only care about what I want. My mum may come stay with us for a few a week. And if her brother/sisters or any other relatives come, she will cook for them.

I don''t even want to spend any money on other people as I need to save every cent now. And she has a habit of inviting people. And if i say I don''t want visitor, then she will say that they just want to see the babies because they are excited.

I don''t want to be treated like a circus freak and nothing upsets me more than people being fake and acting as if they care when they are just inquisitive.


Reply to Minty
Posted by: qwerty | 2010-08-03

My mother has told me horror stories of coming home from the hospital with a new-born, still exhausted from the birth and overwhelmed by everything, only to be invaded shortly after by an onslaught of curious neighbours &  relatives who want to see the baby, and then having to feed and entertain them. In my mind that is BEYOND rude, and BEYOND inconsiderate!

Your priorities are 100% correct - your own wellbeing, and that of your children should always come first, and you should never have to apologise for that. All the best, and good luck with the births!!

Reply to qwerty
Posted by: anon | 2010-08-02

Stick to your guns and good on you!! You must do what is best for you and perhaps the way to look at it is that those who cant understand this are selfish.

Don''t expend any more stressful thoughts worrying about it!!

Good luck!!

Reply to anon
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-08-02

Its a shame, isn't it that so many people are just plain nosy, rather than havin any genuine desire to help others. Tell your aunt and her daughter that as they have never previously shown any interest in viiting and seeing you, there's no need for them to start now ; and anyway you will be too busy attending to yourself and your pregnancy to be able to spend time entertaining them.
Your gran is WRONG - you can stop ANYONE from visiting any time you want to - it is your home and you are the boss. And if people insist on visiting against your wishes, you can call the police to remove them.
I entirely agree with your views which would indeed be best for you and for the children. You're not in the least selfish. If anyone genuinely cares about you, they would want to isit only if and when it suited and benefitted YOU, not their idle curiosity. If they want to look at something strange, they should rather look in the mirror.

Reply to cybershrink

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